Yoko Sanchez Speaks

Yoko covers Caribana Toronto 2011

2011-10-11T13:47:00.002-04:00

Hi people...it's been a long while since I've blogged. Been busy living life.

I will update you shortly. Once I figure out how much to share.

In the mean time, watch me in action at Caribana this past summer doing what I do best-having fun talking to YOU!!!!

LIKE THE VIDEO-SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS..CAUSE YOU LUVS ME!

Now go to my TUMBLR and get twitchy cause it's.. #TityTuesday.

Thanks for being there for me...even when I'm MIA.
X

You can see the universe in a grain of sand.

2011-06-02T00:35:00.000-04:00

Love
Yoko

The Rapture is....wat for it.... Bullshit.

2011-05-21T18:18:00.002-04:00

Click the pic above for my tumblr link and see the full set -->NSFW!

Today I am truly thankful for the beautiful network of friends and family and strangers that have supported me through the last 9 months of a very interesting journey.

I say, if you don't fail, fall down, lose everything and start over then you will never truly get what life is all about. And guess what?? When you ask for help- it will come from everywhere.

So if you need it, just reach out.....I'm here for you.

Now, have a Great Rapturous Day Freaks!!!!!!!

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Touching my TUMBLR...

2011-05-01T23:16:00.001-04:00

If you miss me...check my TUMBLR....I'm hangin here for a bit..
AND WARNING-- >>IT'S NSFW!!!!

Going to bed early...Training day tomorrow at the crack of dawn....I think I might die.

Wish me luck.

Goodnight freaks...love you all, one toe sucker at a time.

Yoko Sanche

xxx

To Mask is to Unmask....Just take it off.

2011-04-24T23:20:00.006-04:00

THE GANG-APRIL 2011-SOUL-O-THEATRE WORKSHOP-NYC
(I'm the smurf with tits :)

As usual I have to start a blog by apologizing for slogging (slack + blogging)...
But I'm busy and I'm knee deep in trying to write a clean version and dirty version of a proposal of my radio show... I won't say for where.. cause I don't wanna jinx anything...but it's a pretty cool place to be if you can' play with the big boys.' Ugh. I hate that saying.

I keep getting distracted by lesbian sex (amazing) and all the other shit I have to write-  It's overwhelming me.. I have to remind myself that I've got a life time of work ahead of me ..and to just take it one project at a time.

"SLOW YOUR ROLL....LET IT FLOW."   PROOF

SOULO THEATRE IN NYC
One of the many projects I'm working on is my one woman show and was invited to take a Soulo Theatre workshop in NYC with Tracey Erin Smith a couple of weekends ago and it was amazing!

It's my third writing workshop with her and I was thrilled to be asked to come and work with some really talented performers. Writing can be lonely sometimes so this was a nice treat to share the process with other writer/performers.

Can't wait to go back and hang out with all my new friends from the weekend, who were all so lovely and inspiring.

I do believe this workshop is for anybody who wants to find their authentic voice..and tell their story. However they like it.

HOTEL OR AIRBNB???
Since I was only going to be in NYC for the weekend I went through Airbnb for the first time and I gotta say, it worked out perfectly! The place I stayed was affordable and it was right in Chelsea, which was down the street from the Theatre Lab where the workshop was. My host couldn't have been sweeter and made me feel at home before he left for the weekend. I had the place all to myself..... (I may or may not have masturbated in a strangers bed).....

NO COMMUNICADOOOO :(
The only thing that sucked in NYC was that I dropped and killed my blackberry from the fifth floor fire escape, trying to take a picture of the Chelsea market for you all...
Yes, I know I'm klutzy. Shit happens.

I did get a temporary android phone to tie me over when I got back to Canada but then I HATED IT!
Sent it back to Ted Rogers and now I'm waiting to get my iphone.   I never thought I could live without BBM and sexting....but it's kind of nice not being found.

Ok....I'd rather be found.

Anyways, gonna go and learn my lines for an upcoming show...HERD RANTS 2

---> Wednesday April 27th at The Annex Live in Toronto. <----
Show starts @ 8pm and it's $15 dollar cover.

I garauntee it will be a fun night of awkward comedy....since we're performing monolgues and rants from Craigslist and the internet.... BE THERE AND BRING YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet dreams lovers...hope to see you there....

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

And now for something different.....

2011-04-24T18:13:00.001-04:00

Kim Kardashian is my pimp

I finally started a tumblr account.

It's called Yoko in Your Cocoa and it's the raw and uncensored version of my blog.

I needed a place to throw up random dirty pics and witticism's without having to write a whole blog about it.

More SHOW and less tell. Meh.

Happy Easter freaks..hope your stroken' your eggs like you really mean it....

Now.. go and check out my tumblr... and follow me on twitter!
---> @yokosanchez <---

Love and happinesssss,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Throwing some Holy Water on GIRL TALK.

2011-03-27T11:55:00.003-04:00

I can barley remember my name some day's but I make an effort to remember the highlights of the day conversing with you hot chicks....

And now....a glimpse into the female psyche with more...GIRL TALK -You buy the ticket-Take the Ride.

ENJOY!!!

_________________________________________________

GIRL1
Driving a stick shift and texting is a workout!
____________________________________________________

GIRL2
I think I peaked when I came out of the womb and it's all gone down hill from there. Seriously.
_______________________________________________

GIRL3
Men are just mean and hateful. That's why I cheat on them.

YOKO
But you're a psychic, you must know the bad ones from the good ones?

GIRL 3
You know what, they're all the same. You don't have to be a psychic to know that. My boyfriend knows I cheat on him-what's he going to say? Stay home? There isn't a ring on my finger. He can fuck off.
_________________________________________________

YOKO
I'm excited! My girlfriend is bringing Holy water back from New Orleans. I'm going to shove it up me as soon as I get my hands on it!

GIRL4
I've seen Holy water-they brought that shit to a camp meeting once.

YOKO
Only someone from the South would say that.

GIRL4
What? You gonna write that down now for your blog? And...yup..your writing that down.
________________________________________________

GIRL5
I just wanted to thank you for your time here but the chemistry just isn't right so, we're going to have to let you go-effective immediatly.

YOKO
Your firing me? Awesome!

GIRL5
Awesome?! Did you just say, "Awesome"?!

YOKO
Sorry, I mean no disrespect but yeah, awesome!

GIRL5
Well then, I guess we made the right decision. You can give me back your uniform.

YOKO
Awesome! I just gotta take my lip gloss out of my pocket first...it get's stuck sometimes cause I ripped the lining..and sorry about the dog hair.

*Let it be known that I make the WORST waitress in the world and THANK YOU FOR FIRING ME!!.*
__________________________________________________________

GIRL6
Did you go see Dallas in HR?

YOKO
No, why?

GIRL6
I don't know? I don't know nothing. Maybe you should go see Dallas?

YOKO
Why? Should I be worried?

GIRL6
I don't know? I don't know nothing.

YOKO
Am I being fired or something? 'Cause I just got my lunch and and I want to eat my Big Mac first.

GIRL6
Leave it here, I watch it for you. Go see Dallas. He was looking for you.

YOKO
Ok, I'll be right back.

*I never got to finish my Big Mac Meal. I got fired. I figure, getting fired twice at the same job means-
I'm a sucky waitress. So glad I don't excel at serving people.*
_____________________________________________________

GIRL7
I have a secret Portugese maid named Maria.

YOKO
Why is she a secret?

GIRL7
Because I don't want anybody to know that i'm a lazy fuck.

YOKO
Well, your place is clean-she does a good job.

GIRL7
Really? Because Maria's been slacking lately. The place looks like a mess. I told the dog tonight, that we were going to pack up and stay at The Four Season's. I can't stand the disgusting floors in here.
I can't believe I live like this right now. Maria has to come in and do a good thorough cleaning.

YOKO
Why don't you fire her if she's slacking?

GIRL7
I can't. She knits me socks. She's so sweet. She's 60 and I feel sorry for her. She told me the other day, "Miss_______, I was having the sex with the husband and he said, 'it's not the same as it use to be. You smell different' I told him it's because I'm on the medication and it makes me smell different. Maybe I no have sex with him anymore? How about you? You still no like dick?'

YOKO
AHAHAHAHAHA!!

GIRL7
I know??!!! How can I fire someone who say's stuff like that? I just wish her ass would clean this place more.

*GIRL1 AND GIRL7 are the same*
________________________________________________________

YOKO
You want strawberry jam on your toast?

GIRL8
EWWWW!! I HATE strawberry jam! Get that shit off the table!!

YOKO
Are you serious right now? You've eaten, with no hesitation; bull testies, goat brain, silkworm larva, duck tongue, duck heart, fertilized duck eggs, frogs legs, snails, chocolate covered crickets and chicken feet and you can't stomach strawberry jam?!!!

GIRL8
"Shut-up! I don 't know how you white people eat strawberry jam -it's nasty! Get that off the table right now!! Are you putting those packets in your purse? God.

---> *NOTE-GIRL8* May or May not be of the Asian Persuasian*
________________________________________________________

GIRL9
I am wearing black track pants and a purple bandana, i've clearly given up on life.

*GIRL4 AND GIRL9 are the same :) *
_____________________________________________________

GIRL10
I told your story a hundred times this week.

YOKO
My story-the one I told in class?

GIRL
Yup. Your story. I didn't say your name but OH MY GOD! Are-you-kidding-me??! That shit has to be told!

YOKO
Yeah, I kinda felt awkward afterwards for sharing it-but whatever.

GIRL10
Girl, I heard your story and thought, "Wow, she really went for it" and was pissed at myself for not sharing the story I really wanted to.

YOKO
Yeah, well, there's more to that story-but you'll have to buy the book.

*Pricks and Bitches-A Childrens Story For Adults-
By Yoko Sanchez*
___________________________________________________

I THANK YOU FOR READING and for sharing your stories with me.
Talk to me sometime.... yokosanchez@gmail.com and follow my tweeets http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez
leave a comment...or just pray for me.

I leave you with a video I've posted before....because it makes me squirt all the way to Paris, Ontario.

LOVE
YOKO SANCHEZ
XXX

Love
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Who is Wonder Woman?

2011-03-25T00:33:00.010-04:00

NBC released a photo last week of Adrianne Palicki in the new Wonder Woman costume for the upcoming series pilot. Since you all know I am a huge WW fan, here’s my take.

Palicki looks hot and her tits look great but from where I'm sitting, she’s not buying what she’s selling. She looks like she could be the youngest member of the PussyCat Dolls, background extra #29 on the Big Bang Theory’s Halloween special, or your best friends girlfriend you saw naked on his iphone last week after he bragged about how soft her fake tits were.

Just another pretty Hollywood actress getting paid to walk in the blue boots of a Superhero whose been stripped of her patriotism and class.

Let’s face it, Lynda Carter is and will always be Wonder Woman. When she appeared on the screen in the 1970’s, with her red bustier, star spangled blue booty shorts, red bitch boots and golden lasso-you knew she was coming to woop some man ass!! Whether she was in costume as the iconic comic book character or undercover as a US government agent, Diana Prince, she served as an emblem of female strength and represented the new feminism to a generation of playboy bunnies.

In 2011, the new Wonder Woman is in the hands of David E Kelly, the creator of Ally Mcbeal, one of the most socially awkward, boyfriend obsessed, bi polar, over educated, neurotic, annoying characters on TV. Which mean's, keep your expectations low....VERY low for the upcoming pilot. Since "the guy who killed feminism is reviving Wonder Woman” than let’s go back to the Suffering Sappho's roots and make sure we remember why she was born in the first place and who the real man is that created her.

Dr. William Marston-inventor of the polygraph test, pyschologist, and creator of The Wonder Woman.

William Marston was the inventor of the polygraph test, a psychologist,a comic book fan and a polygamist. He discovered after testing the polygraph on Elizabeth, one of his wives, the systolic blood pressure theory. A theory that women are more honest and reliable than men and could work faster and more accurately. According to Marston’s son, it was his mother Elizabeth, Marston’s wife, who suggested to him that 'When she got mad or excited, her blood pressure seemed to climb'.

He created Wonder Woman in the 1940’s after he was struck by an idea for a new kind of superhero, one who would triumph not with fists or firepower but with love. His wife Elizabeth said,“Fine, but make her a woman.” His other wife, Olive, was the inspiration for the Amazon warriors appearance.

He believed that the comics served as a great educational tool for kids and wrote in a 1943 issue The American Scholar, the need for a female superhero.

"Not even girls want to be girls so long as our feminine archetype lacks force, strength, and power. Not wanting to be girls, they don't want to be tender, submissive, peace-loving as good women are. Women's strong qualities have become despised because of their weakness. The obvious remedy is to create a feminine character with all the strength of Superman plus all the allure of a good and beautiful woman".

Who is Wonder Woman? She is the woman we become when we are at our best and brightest and strongest. She is our role model and will be for a lifetime.

Fuck NBC, David E Kelly and whoever else wants to mess with her. We know who she really is and that's all that matters.

I'm peacing out of blogger now cause it's having technical difficulties and driving me nuts....check out the videos below for more history on Wonder Woman.

Love to my amazon warriors out there-chasing their dreams despite the obstacles they face, with or without a costume on.

Don't forget to ...Follow me on twitter freaks.....!! http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez
and subscribe to the blog,

Sex, drugs and bondage fun nights,

Love
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Special features of Wonder Woman-Part 1

Special features of Wonder woman Part 2

MOM TALK

2011-01-26T10:26:00.004-05:00

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND BOBBI CHRISTINA...

I had to take a few days sabbatical from life streaming...I didn't abandon you.

My Mom got into a car accident last week that left her with a broken foot and will now be off of her feet for the next three months recuperating from surgery. This woman loves to work so being at home is torture.

Since she's built like a little timbit she has to sit close to the steering wheel, so when the air bag deployed upon impact of the accident, it ended up really hurting her chest, making it painful for her to eat, walk or laugh now. When I do make her laugh while she's bed ridden, I consider it payback for making me her caregiver for the next three months.

Just call me Nurse Ratched since I will no longer get to openly masturbate while watching The Food Network in the middle of the day.

Note to self: Don't just have one rotten kid, have two.
_________________________________________________________

MOM TALK

While I was cooking in the kitchen, I left my mom sitting on the couch with her foot in a cast, propped up in front of her surrounded by a pile of gossip mags to entertain her. I could hear her muttering comments about each celebrity as she flipped through the pages and then it suddenly got quiet. I went to check up on her and found her staring at a picture of Angelina Jolie.

YOKO
She's beautiful, isn't she?

MOM
Angelina Jolie is sooo beautiful. There's no comparison with Jennifer Aniston. She is champagne and Jennifer is homemade wine. No wonder Brad left her.

YOKO
God, I hope nobody talks about me like that.

MOM
Just be happy you're homemade wine. Fix my pillows.

_______________________________________________________

MOM
When you talk politics, you're ugly. You get too intense. You're cute when you're funny though.
________________________________________________________

MOM
How was your meeting with the drug councillor? Was it worth leaving me here for two hours by myself?
Did you buy the bendable straws like I asked?
________________________________________________________

MOM
Your cousin just brought over muffins. It's the leftovers in her fridge from 3 days ago that she baked into muffins. Throw that shit in the garbage.
_________________________________________________________

MOM
I hope the nurse they send me is Filipino. They make the best nurses. When your father had is fifth heart attack, he only had one good nurse and she was Filipino.
_________________________________________________________

MOM
Life has changed for us. We took for granted what we had.

Then we laughed for a good ten minutes....for soooooo many reasons.
________________________________________________________

MOM
Wow, I never knew I had so many friends.

YOKO
Good, get one of them to go with you on a cruise, cause I don't want to.

MOM
Shut up Yoko. Your coming. I don't care. I don't want to go with anybody else but you.
________________________________________________________

MOM
Can't you tell them that your mother is having surgery that day and you need to have the audition another day? Like come on! I'm sure they'd understand.

YOKO
I'm going to try and see what I can do- but somebody has to be there with you..I know.

MOM
Don't worry, I don't want to stress you out. Your cousin will be there. Oh God...can you try and get there that night? She's going to talk my ear off.
_________________________________________________________

MOM-ON SARAH PALIN

You know what will happen if that friggin' woman get's in? Al qaeda is going to take over the whole world.
I hate that woman. She's the devil. I'm surprised no ones shot her yet?! Friggin' crazy American.
__________________________________________________________

MOM
You are soo Canadian. So lazy. I have to keep asking myself, did I raise this kid? Who raised you?

YOKO
Keep it up and I'm going to put the stool softener pills the doctor gave you in every meal I serve.

MOM
I hate you.

Then we laughed for a good 4minutes..it's all my mom could handle.

___________________________________________________

MOM
We have eachother and that's all that matters.
__________________________________________________

God, I love this woman. I can't live without her.

Never take anybody you love for granted. Especially your mama.

Love,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

The BITCH would SLICE her Nana for a chance to be YOU!

2011-01-14T03:52:00.007-05:00

STOP LOOKING AT ME-NO WAIT, COME BACK...

Ever feel like this??????

Look at ME like ME vote for ME pick ME SUBSCRIBE to ME talk to ME love ME hate ME BE ME #TEAMMEEEEEEEEE

#wankofftomytumblr #readmyblog #CLICKONMYYOUTUBELINK #followmeontwitter #leaveacomment #shutthefuckup

There are soo many of YOU....

*What I hate about you is what I HATE about myself. *

No, serioulsy,  READ MY BLOG -It's the one I'm proudest of.

Now, lick my lips, spit in my mouth and tell me how much you miss me...

YOKOOO
XXX

BOY TALK-VOLUME #WHATEVER.

2011-01-07T16:20:00.008-05:00

YOKO IS OUR MASTER.

BOY1
My only purpose as a man is to carry heavy shit and now your carrying the heavy shit so you've taken away the only thing I have. Give me the fucking bags.
_________________________________________________________

BOY2
Having a kid does change you. Everything is suddenly in technicolor. Its weird. Its like you're on acid all the time. You know I wasn't even happy she was having this baby but..everything I do now is for him. I'm not going to give up DJing though.

________________________________________________________

BOY3
It took me until 2010 to find out Africa has highways. Can you believe that shit? You never see that on TV.

________________________________________________________

BOY4
Did you know that in Uganda the government is telling people to out the gay's and get rid of them? Can you believe that shit?! Like, we wake up and say yes, I want to be gay and get my ass kicked everyday of my life.I'd never come out if I lived in Uganda. I'd be in hiding. Actually, I'd get the fuck out of there ASAP. They need Lady GagGa to show up.
______________________________________________________

YOKO
How do you want to spend your last days?

BOY5
Hopefully partying and fucking. I’m going to be enjoying myself. If I knew the world was going to end next weekend, like I had a definite date, I’m talking for certain, I’m talking I’m looking up and I see the asteroid coming-then I’ll get rid of my shit. 'Cause what happens if nothing happens? Yeah I’m not going to sit around and mope. I’m gonna be enjoying myself with some lovely honey's strokin’my wood.
__________________________________________________________

*BOY 3, 5 & 6 ARE THE SAME*   He's Comedy Gold-sometimes.

BOY 6
You're so dumb. Where do you get your information from?

YOKO
The same fucking place you get your information from. I’m telling you the African government is corrupt.

BOY6
You’re ignorant and you spew rhetoric.

YOKO
No I’m not. We’re trying to have a fucking conversation about Africa, so instead of yelling at me why don’t you inform me of something different?

BOY6
Why are the only representations of Africa just of kids with big belly’s and what you just said? It's not the same as it use to be. .

YOKO
Are you seriously trying to sell me Africa right now? 'Cause the brother I was out on a date with the other night was trying to sell me Africa, telling me they have the best hotels in all the world. He held his fork like a shovel.

BOY6
You just sound like another white misinformed bitch.

YOKO
You just found out Africa has highways, asshole! Don't try to sell me Africa when the people are dying for help, living in huts barely surviving.

BOY6
I can show you cities in Africa that make our cities look like shite. I'm willing to bet you your weed I can find you them right now.

YOKO
No, fuck off and just show me what your talking about. .

BOY6
Fine. After we smoke. So fucking hard to have a conversation with you sometimes.

YOKO
Yeah, likewise.

*Note: Yes, BOY6 is black. And my good friend. We fight like this ALL the time.*
_________________________________________________________
X-RATED *This phone call was from Dublin-I can never make out what BOY7 say's because his Irish accent is so thick. Which is why I appreciate his sextexting more. But dayyyam his accent is super hot!!

YOKO
Hello

BOY7
Yokoooo, It's me. I keep calling you... you don't pick up?!

YOKO
It's 4:30am.

BOY7
Oh, sorry . I was horny and thinking about you. I've been looking at your pictures- you look so sexy.
What are you wearing now?

YOKO
Panties.

BOY7
My pants are on the ground and I've got my hard cock in my hand's. You wanna hear it?
(He hits the phone with his cock several times. All I hear are loud thuds-over and over again)

BOY7
Did you hear how hard it is? Tell me some filth you sexy fucker..

YOKO
What do you want to hear?

BOY7
Whats the last filthy thing you did?

YOKO
I had a girl finger fuck me 'til I squirted the other night. She had long nails and tore me up though.

BOY7
Oh yeahhhh, I want to see that. Are you playing with yourself right now? I want to hear you cum.

YOKO
I have to be quiet cause I'm at my moms house for Christmas.

BOY7
Fuck, that turns me on even more!

YOKO
I've got my fingers inside me and i'm soaking wet. Wish you were here to give me some Irish meat.

BOY7
Ooohh Yokoo! I will be you sexy fucker -soon! Soon! When I come down nobody will see you for day's.
I want to watch you drink my semen out of a cup.

YOKO
(Gulp)
Ummm, yeah, yeah. I- can't -wait to-drink-your-semen-out-of-a-cup. Listen, I gotta go.

BOY7
Ok, Yoko! I'm going to write a song for you. Hey, did you see our latest video?

YOKO
Yeah, it was hot! Text me.

CLICK

FYI -->  Semen talk is kind of a turn off. It just is. And...Canadian girls don't drink semen out of cups-We drink straight from the tap.

*This song and video are simply magic. Not enough people have experienced it...Go there*
                                                    Foals-2 Trees

I write these BOY/GIRL Talk blogs just for the sheer pleasure of it. Hope it entertained you.

Sweet, sticky, sloppy, anal kisses,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Happy New Year Freaks!!

2011-01-06T14:07:00.006-05:00

Ashton Kutcher gracing the latest cover of Men's Fitness mag.

I usually like the false sense of optimism January blow's up my skirt. Tickling my appetite for a fresh start at life. I guess a new year mean's it's another chance to get it right and we all want to get it right, don't we?
But as we speed towards the Mayan calendar in 2012, it looks like the year of transition isn't going to be as smooth as we thought.

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband...'cause Mother Nature is Pissed!!

So, what's the only thing that can stop people from talking about their New Years Resolutions 6 days into January 2011? Armageddon. End of Days. The Second Coming of Christ. The Apocalypse. According to the latest news reports there are thousands of dead black birds falling from the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana in the last few days, the millions of dead fish throughout the world that's washing up on shore and massive floods in Australia leaving 75 000 people stranded and several dead.

Whether you think this means the Apocalypse is coming and we're all going to die in two years or not? ....
it seems shits going down and Mother Nature is sending us all a loud and clear message. This is what I hear:

The Message from Mother Nature;

Welcome to 2011 people. I wanted to make sure I started it off by giving back what you've given to me. Cancer. I am a living organism and you've fed off of me like parasites for too long. You as human beings are NOT going to bring me down but I need to cure myself of this deadly disease. So I am cutting you out of my life for good IF you don't start nourishing me NOW. Find other ways to get rid of junk because NOBODY wants your garbage in their landfills. Find other way's to generate electricity because fossil fuel is NOT fucking sustainable. STOP KILLING MY ANIMALS FOR PLEASURE SARAH PALIN AND THE REST OF YOU GUN TOTING, SEAL CLUBBING, HORSE MEAT EATING ASSHOLES!!!!! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OR YA'LL ARE GOING TO GET A RUDE AWAKENING THIS YEAR. YOU HEAR????!!

Love, MN-The OG

Dude, where's my bunker?

The funny thing is that I was making fun of That 70's Show star and Demi's little boy toy, Ashton Kutcher a few day's ago, for revealing in the newest Mens Fitness magazine, that his sole purpose for his strict workout regime lately is to prepare for the impending Apocalypse. I peed a little when I read what he said;

"All of my physical fitness regimen is completely tailored around the end of day. I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about. It won't take very much, I'm telling you. It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle. And people are going to go, 'That land's not yours, prove that it's yours,' and the only thing you have to prove it's yours is on an electric file. Then it's like, 'What's the value of currency, and whose food is whose?' People's alarm systems at their homes will no longer work. Neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity - what happens when all our modern conveniences fail? I'm going to be ready to take myself and my family to a safe place where they don't have to worry."

I don't know about you but I pictured Kutcher running through the jungles of California, with his little red Kabbalah string wrapped around his wrist and his sweaty balls flapping through the wind calling out Demi's name whilst throwing nunchucks at random squirrels. I betchya he's got a bunker in Glendale, California.
The Armenians know how to survive.

But maybe the little shit is onto something? Maybe we all should start preparing for Armageddon by stepping up our fitness regime? Wearing red strings around our wrist and discarding all luxuries in life like Ashton has? I'm sure he's down to wearing the same clothes for day's and decreasing his eco footprint by not jet setting all around the world promoting his crappy rom com's with wifeee.

Ashton's Survival Kit

Food, water, ammunition, medical supplies, firewood, blankets, clothes, tooth brushes and paste, soap, gauze, band aids,

For trade: alcohol, nicotine, candy, gum, bullets and primers, socks, books, perfumes, anything that wont be readily available.

Yoko's Survival Kit

12 inch black dildo, food, water, pot, medical supplies, blankets, alcohol, clothes, flavored lube, nipple clips, pocket rocket, tons of batteries, matches, can opener, tooth brushe's and paste, soap, gauze, band aids, tweezers, nail clips, rope, chains, whips, hand cuffs, nudie lesbian sex pics and a deck of cards, an endless supply of chocolate, the Bible.

For Trade: Black condoms, the tears of a clown, Sarah Palin's heart in a salt shaker, alcohol, nicotine, pot, my love juice in a canister(drink it and you'll be horny forever).

Have you thought of whats in your survival kit? Yeah, well you might want to get on that.

Yoko Says:

Well freaks, if we heed Mother Natures warning and make changes to how we live, than we won't need to take advice from Demi's baby boy and just work on getting our shit together from the INSIDE OUT.
The world need's more than just pretty people with nice lives and big voices to look up to.
I'd take him more seriously if he wasn't out shopping right now with his boo. Gross.

If you want to know where I'll be on December 21st 2012-I'll be fucking and sucking the pain away with my man 'til Jebus arrives.

Keep your heads up and let's try to respect and cherish every living thing around us-including eachother..

Hey, RELAX we got OPRAH.

Finger banging you til this is all over and FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!! http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

My Strange Addiction...To Eating Toilet Paper.

2010-12-29T03:20:00.011-05:00

                        Who eats toilet paper???? Kesha does.

If you need a break from The Big Bang Theory (which seems to be on every channel these days) and want a night of titillating comedy, look no further than TLC's docu series, My Strange Addictions which airs TONIGHT!! (Check your local listings). I've been excited to see this since they've been running the previews on a loop during Sarah Palin's Alaska.  I made a mental note to set Wednesday night aside just to catch one particular story.

Meet Kesha, a 34 year old woman who is addicted to eating toilet paper. She love's it so much that she carries it around with her in a zippy bag and eats it instead of popcorn while watching movies. She carries it in her purse and the glove compartment of her car. The two ply is her favorite, apparently. Now, I know models soak cotton balls in juice and eat them to feel full but Kesha eats toilet tissue for the taste and feel of it on her tongue-regardless of the bloating it causes. Strange.

Could you imagine how awkward that would be if you were hanging out with her at Starbucks and she just started eating toilet paper in the middle of the conversation? What do you say?

YOKO
Yah, no, that's cool. Go ahead and enjoy your tissue. I'm sure it's better than this chocolate chip muffin anyways. So, what's new at work? Ummm, aren't you afraid of dying from a clogged up colan?

KESHA
I like the way the tissue feels on my tongue.

YOKO
I like the taste of semen  but I don't carry it around with me in a thermos. Not judging you or anything but cotton balls are non toxic and are waaaay better for you.

Kesha-TLC My Strange Addiction. You'll never look at toilet paper the same way.

Here's a little taste of what models put in their mouth to stay thin-it's not cock.

Via Fox News

This is what First World Problems looks like folks.

Choking the strange out of you,

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Follow me on Twitter...!!! http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez

Christmas is for kid's and Dad's.

2010-12-25T22:17:00.004-05:00

Me with Santa-I clearly loved him.

I woke up at 4am Christmas morning, grabbed my flashlight from under my pillow and quietly climbed out of bed so as not to awake my sleeping parents. I had heard loud noises earlier and knew that Santa had made his delivery and so I walked into the living room to scope it out. I was happy to see a stack of new presents under the tree and to my surprise, a letter from Santa Claus addressed to me sitting on the dining room table

I quickly forgot about the presents and went straight for the letter, hoping The Big Man penned a secret message written for me to uncode. I took it back to my room and poured over his word's under my cover's while my parent's still slept.

The letter Santa wrote-I wish I kept the real thing.

I recognized my father's handwriting at Dear Yoko, despite his best efforts to disguise it with a few sloppy strokes of the pen. Deeply disappointed with my discovery, I decided to focus on my presents awating me and confront my parents about the doctored letter at the right time.

I decided the right time was while my Mom was preparing Christmas dinner and the house was filling up with cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. I walked into the kitchen holding the letter and blurted out, "Who wrote the letter from Santa"? My mom, too busy to deliver the answer gently while cutting up the turkey, said, "Your father wrote the letter. Is that what you want to hear? He wrote it with his left hand.
He ate the cookies and drank the milk you left for Santa and the dog ate the carrots you left for the reindeer. He's done that every year. There is no Santa. You might as well know now."

I started to cry and said, "I just asked who wrote it.." My mom stopped carving the turkey long enough to give me a hug, wipe my tears and apologize for bursting my childhood bubble.

That was it. In a matter of seconds I went from being a kid who believed in Santa to a kid that didn't.
I was 7 years old.

I still left milk and cookies for my Dad every Christmas 'til I was 12. He worked hard at putting a smile on my face and delivered toys until I hit puberty. I became a pain in the ass after that and left him nothing.

I never did get my pool, I'll buy one for myself one day.

This year I left out milk and cookies for my Dad.

I miss him..

Love you all and Merry Christmas.

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

When Mother Nature invite's you to the party, you better show up.

2010-12-20T16:53:00.006-05:00

Kateoplis

For the first time in 372 years, the Winter Solstice, a full moon and a total lunar eclipse will occur together on Dec. 21st. In addition, the Ursid meteor shower, normally unremarkable, could put on a bit of a show while the eclipse darkens the night sky. Geoff Chester of the U.S. Naval Observatory inspected a list of eclipses going back 2000 years for NASA. ”Since Year 1, I can only find one previous instance of an eclipse matching the same calendar date as the solstice, and that is Dec 21, 1638. The next one will be on Dec 21, 2094.”
“It’s perfectly placed so that all of North America can see it,” said eclipse expert Fred Espenak of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center. The entire show, which is expected to last 3 1/2 hours if skies are clear, begins at 11:41 p.m. PST Monday.

(Source: NPR, via capriquarius) via SuicideBlonde

Since this is going to happen only for a few hours tonite-Dec 20th to the 21st, my suggestion to you is, venture outside with your sweetie and a bottle of merlot and watch this amazing spectacle in the night sky go down. Because Dec 21, 2094 is a loooooooooong way's away and unless your Lindsay Lohan (the girl is a cockroach) your not going to be around to see this show again.

I have a feeling the coppery haze of the moon will make you want to do extra kinky thing's tonight.
Here's hoping you do them with someone as kinky as you.

My neighbor just came back from Greece and he gave me these dirty deck of playing card's for Christmas.
I think he want's to see me naked. I just gave him short bread cookie's and a Wonder Woman Pez.

Love and Lunar Kisses,

YoKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
XXX

Prince escape's Sherri Shepherd's View.

2010-12-19T01:35:00.022-05:00

Purple Rain...Prince-1984

If your a Prince fan like I am than you could relate to Sherri Shepherd's crazy reaction when he surprised the girl's on the The View last week. Apparently he came by to give them free tickets to his upcoming concerts.

I missed it cause I can't stand to watch The View but I've since watched this video on a loop.

The rest of the girl's including Barbara, seemed remotely excited when his Purple Highness crashed the set but I gotta tell you, when he sat down beside Sherri and she screamed out "I've wanted to make love to you my whole life!" I peed with joy just as much as she did. Even better is seeing the shy Jehovah's Witness squirm in his heel's and say, "On that note"..and awkwardly flee the set just as fast as he came on.

Thank you Sherri, you crazy Christian soldier, for saying what all of us women have been dying to say to the sexy bastard since he emerged naked and wet from the bathtub in the movie Purple Rain circa 1984.

Amazing, right?

I alway's imagined Appolonia whispering in Prince's ear "You can put it in my ass tonight".

Sooo, Prince, if you're reading this and you let me interview you one day, I promise to stay cool, squirt quietly in my seat and ask you serious question's-then whisper in your ear the dirty shit I want you to do to me.
'Cause that's how a lady would handle her business.

Now, can I have your gloves?

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Let's go Crazy-Purple Rain Soundtrack.

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell u
There's something else
The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night
So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
U know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby
'Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own

And if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down
Go crazy - punch a higher floor
If u don't like the world you're living in
Take a look around u
At least u got friends

U see I called my old lady
4 a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
(Sex, sex) is all I heard

Are we gonna let de-elevator
Bring us down
Oh, no Let's Go!
Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look 4 the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

*This blog is dedicated to my friend and fellow Prince Fan- Mickey.. Merry Christmas!!!*

Dear Santa-Time for you to work your magic.

2010-12-18T18:03:00.058-05:00

My favorite Seinfeld Episode. They Call It Cashmere.

Cue the music, it’s the final countdown 'til Christmas with one week left to go. I’m still slowly easing into the holiday madness by limiting my time in the mall shopping for presents. *Spoiler alert* Everybody's getting gift cards and Wonder Woman Pez dispenser's. Cold and impersonal you say?
Nawww it's given with love.. and who doesn't like a candy filled Superhero Pez?

To avoid getting presents you don't like I say you write your wish list to Santa and let him work his magic.
I mailed my letter to him a week ago but am posting it on the blog in case the letter end's up in the hand's of a horny Canada post mail man , collecting millions of letter's in his basement apartment and replying back with cheeky innuendo and asking for bribes like....

Dear Yoko,
I will only show up with gifts if you promise me and my five friends bukkake.
Love Hairy Old Saint Dick
From The Semen Hut in Scarborough

Without further adieu, here is my letter to Santa...

Dear Santa;
I've been a nice girl with naughty thoughts for at least 9 ½ months out of the year, and I'm hoping that's enough to get a good hard spanking from you and EVERYTHING on my Wish List. You've been known to pick only one or two item's off the list in the past but I promise to leave you baklava and warm milk by my night stand this year. I heard from Mrs.Claus that that's your favorite treat. Please wake me up so you are not eating baklava alone. Honey is messy and you will need me to clean you up properly. I wouldn't want you to move onto the neighbours house with sticky fingers.

*Hey, it's not bribing when a cute girl does it.*

Yoko's Christmas Wish List to Santa Claus:

1. A new Hitachi back massager

2. A leather whip

3. A black Jesus night light

4. A leather face mask

5. A MAC workbook pro

6. Wonder Woman socks/flash light/ panties/watch/slippers/comics/keychain/cookie jar/clock/t-shirt/stickers/costume/bra/strap on dildo/invisble plane

7. A pink cashmere sweater (Small-I like it tight)

8. Oprah

9. An obnoxious big phat gold pinky ring

10. An American Passport/Visa so I can live the Canadian Dream

I have a good feeling about this list.

Is that a red dot?

"When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town and he was wearing the softest most beautiful sweater. I said, 'What do you call this beautiful fabric?' and he said, 'We call it cashmere.' I repeated the word, 'cashmere- cashmere'. I asked him if I could have it and he said, “No! Get away from me!' He started to walk away, oh but I grabbed onto his leg, screaming for him to give me the sweater and he dragged me through the streets and then he kicked me with the other foot and then he threw some change at me but ohhhhh I didn’t want the change Georgie, I wanted the cashmere. "
SEINFELD

Being obligated to buy presents for people is part and parcel of the Holidays.
So give out of love or just re gift that candle you got last year. We've all done it.

Merry Christmas-sending you all big fat holiday hugs!!

If you have a question for me or just want to send some love email me at yokosanchez@gmail.com and follow me on twitter!

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

"Just sit yo ass in the tub!"

2010-12-16T12:20:00.002-05:00

This video could be the best thing EVER.

Behold Diddy's Dirty Money UStream Party. The model's hair in the tub catche's on fire.
This is exactly how I picture these homies partying it up.

"CUT THE CAMERA OFF"!

AHAHAHAHA!

Thank you Diddy Dirty Money for making my nips hard today. Best video you've produced in the last couple of years.

Sitting my ass in the tub and rubbing one out,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

All I want to do is Pop it.

2010-12-16T01:43:00.006-05:00

When it comes to strange fetishe's, anything goes these day's.

Meet Christopher from Vermont. He likes balloon's. A lot.
They are his erotic toy's.

Balloon Boy is the guy sitting next to you right now.

TLC-Strange Sex Fetishes: A Docu series about people who get off on strange shit.

"I remember coming home and blowing up the balloon and pleasuring myself.When I popped it is when I finally figured out that I was the most attracted to the balloon itself"
Balloon Boy

What's my Fetish?
One of them is Cupcakes. I have to eat them alone because of the sick noises I make while licking the icing, biting into the moist cake and never stopping at just one. The man who can get off watching me eat one instead of being repulsed, will be The One...or El Chico de la Semana.

What's your Fetish?
How about you? Can you share your fetish with your lover or spouse? Do you save the real kinky stuff for the girl/boy/horse on the side?

Whatever it is-I bet you TLC will have a show about it. Tune into their new Docu series called, Strange Addictions on December 29th. You'll see everything from a woman being obsessed with her blow dryer to another one who eats toilet paper to a man who is obsessed with his silicone doll.

It all make's you kind of feel normal, doesn't it?

Happy Holidays freaks!

Kisses and ballooooon blowing orgasms,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Everthing's Coming Up Yoko.

2010-12-10T11:41:00.003-05:00

"Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!"
Fight Club

Dear 2010-its been grand but bring me 2011 with a singing choir, a bucket of chicken and a bag of money. As for December- I’m going to ride you out like a cowgirl in heat all the way to the New Year! The cool thing about this New Year's celebration is that it's the end of a decade-one that I barley remember- except for the selected epiphanies along the way.

Since my memory card is full-I have to dump the crappy stuff that made me feel icky. I thought I’d share with you some of the one’s that you might find helpful.

Here are my Top 15 Selected Epiphanies of the Decade.

1. Marrying the guy who put a ring on my finger-wasn't going to be a good idea. I couldn't picture giving him a BJ every morning for the rest of my life. So I dumped him. Kept the ring.

2. I keep failing miserably at job's that are not my passion.

3. Having lesbian sex with angry bi-sexual women can get messy. *Warning-don't ever agree to let a freshly dumped bi girl put ice cubes up your puss.* One day-i'll tell ya'll the story.

4. Pissing in middle management's bowl of corn flake's, instead of stirring in your warm breast milk will get you fired.

5 A woman can be, sexy, classy, freaky, prude, confident or insecure on ANY given day.

6. Watching Bobby Flay Throw Down-is pure joy.

7. Best to save anal sex for my sexual equal. Only a Man amongst men get's to inflict that kind of pain and pleasure on me. Still holding out.

8. All of my mentor's have been men-over 50.

9. Smoking free pot from an ex boyfriend might make you really sick. Especially if he's a chemistry student at UFT.

10. You have to learn to get off on your own writing. Living on the edge and writing about it helps.

11. Always Pay It Forward.

12. Men get sad too. Then they play with their Xbox and they're good to go.

13. It's amazing how thing's can go from good to disaster to GREAT with a little effort.
The universe does have a way of redeeming itself. Have faith and eventually, everything come's up Yoko.

14. Black Jelly bean's are nature's favorite food.

15. I've had some 'how the fuck did I get here'?- moments, good and bad but if there's anything I've learned over these years, is that anything is possible.

I bet if you write down your selected epiphanies, or as Oprah call's it, your A HA! moments, you'll be surprised how much you learn about yourself. Or not.

I would love to hear your A HA! moment's...leave a comment or email me at yokosanchez@gmail.com

Kisses and Happy Holiday's freak's!!!
Love,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX
Nicki Minaj-Moment 4 Life. Feeling this track.

Love you all and thank you for your support!!

Follow me on Twitter.... http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez

Get rid of bad luck.. one egg at a time.

2010-11-13T10:18:00.000-05:00

One bad egg in the bunch.

What do you do when bad shit keep's happening to you week after week? Do you pray, do good deed's, stay home and eat? Do you blame the universe-or are you convinced that an enemy put a curse on you?

Well, when my mama was going through an unusually long dry spell at her sale's job, she was convinced that an enemy from the past put a curse on her. My mama is way nicer than me and has a heart of gold and has no enemie's but nonetheless, just in case she pissed off somebody with magic poweres, she decided to consult her Persian tea leaf reader. She instructed my mama to throw an egg off her balcony in order to get rid of any bad omen's around her and chant "Leave me bad omen's... I only welcome good around me "

My mama went through two carton's of egg's in two week's. She live's on the penthouse floor of a condo and has vertigo. When she throw's the egg's its usually at midnight and she has to run and hurl the object into the air and off the balcony with her eye's closed- to avoid getting dizzy when looking down.

The Superintendent had to eventually put a memo out warning the perpetrator to stop throwing egg's off they're balcony and blamed the kid's in the condo for the mess.

So, my mom stopped. Not because of the memo but because nothing changed.
Her sale's did go up-briefly but as she says's, "If the universe doesn't want you to have it than it's just not going to happen. Opportunity will fly right under your nose and you won't even know it. I pray to God and leave it in his hands."

I went to the same Persian tea leaf reader once and she read only good things about my future...she also said I have a pure, clean heart.
My mother said "She's full of shit. You don't have a pure, clean heart. Who do you know these day's that has a pure, clean heart? It's not you. Don't listen to her, listen to me. If your really, really, really serious about what your doing than IT will happen. Your not getting any younger so, you better decide what the hell you want and go after it. I want a house. Get on it".

I'm an only child, sooo yah. It's all me.

*BONUS* "May you never find another man as kinky as me"

R. Kelley-Trapped in the Closet

I had a boyfriend back in the day-(I refer to him as Beelzebub for various reasons) anyways, he was Jamaican and fully believed in Hobea and witchcraft. One night we had a fight where I threatened to leave him, which lead to intense make up sex. You know, the kind where you vow to never sleep with another man again. The kind where you agree to let your man shave your cooch bald when he asks, in order to prove your undying loyalty. Yeah. , that was me.
Beelzebub happily got out his electric razor and shaved me down, leaving me completely hairless.
I guess that was his way of taking me off the market. He then put my pubic hair into a neat pile, sparked a match and lit it on fire-while waving one hand in front of it chanting over and over again, "I put a curse on you, may you never find another man as kinky as me, may you never leave me Yoko"....
It was like I was in a bad R.Kelley video. I looked on in horror while the offending hair burned on a piece of cardboard he placed on the kitchen table.

I left him soon after that. ..for sooo many reason's.

Beelzebub's curse worked because I never found another man as fucked up and kinky as him. He ended up stalking me for year's after that. Be careful, that shit comes back to haunt you, as Beelzebub found out.

Sooo, have you ever made an effigy of your ex and cursed them? If you have, has it worked?
Did you feel guilty?

I'll listen to my mama when she say's to be serious and get busy doing my thing, 'cause apparently, I don't have time to waste throwing egg's off the balcony.
I may not have a clean, pure heart...but at least I didn't let one bad egg ruin the whole bunch.

Love you all,
Kisses and burning pube's,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

What's the Name of Your Revolution?

2010-11-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

Me giving bullies the bird. Riverdale Park. Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

I enrolled in Jit Jitsu class in order to get more discipline in my life. I also wanted to learn how to kill a man without having to use my puffer. But sometimes my demon's win out and I end up doing stupid thing's.

Like getting high, masterbating to porn and eating Toffifay an hour before class started the other day. I don’t recommend it.

I showed up with three things on my mind, what’s a break fall, where’s my white belt and what day is it? Thirty minutes into training and I was getting my ass kicked by six sweaty little boy's that were on top of their game.

I felt totally discouraged for not performing well and had to step off the mat and re-group for a bit. My 18 year old Sensei Master-unaware of my being stoned and horny, came over to give me a pep talk and said that if I trained hard enough and worked on my technique I could over power any man in any situation.

I went home feeling like an asshole but vowed I’d replace my vice's with Jit Jitsu.
Vowed that I would put my heart and soul into training since the payoff is bigger in the end.

My Soul-O Sisters and I during the after party. Tracey-the teacher and Gene-student are missing. I didn't look good in the pic of all of us so I couldn't post it. Yup, that's how I roll.

I was able to hold off my vice's long enough last week to finally perform a 10 min monologue to selected guests at the Second City Training Centre. It was part of a 5 week writing workshop called Soul-O theatre that I took with 5 other women under the tutelage of Tracey Erin Smith. She has successfully written and performed her own one woman show The Burning Bush in NY and Toronto to great reviews! Under her guidance and the support of my Soul-O sisters, I was able to tap into a story I had been trying to write for month's on my own but couldn't figure out how to tell it properly.

Strapped and Stripping poster for my little show at The Second City Training Centre.

The material I wrote and performed was from a chapter in my life that was the most drama filled. I had to dig deep and get kind of vulnerable during those five weeks- which is not something I like to do with strangers. When it finally came time to give the words life on opening and closing night, I delivered my truth and it was epic and kind of life changing.

If you have a story to tell then I highly recommend taking this workshop!!

I now have the beginning's of a play...or screenplay thank's to new friends and old that support me and believe in me. They were there for me when I wanted to quit and they didn't let me.

I'm trying to commit to being a better person for me and for them.
It's just time. That's all.

Sitting in on The Sammy Maudlin Show. I heart SCTV.

Maybe a kinder, gentler Yoko will emerge from learning Jit Jitsu -not for the sake of killing a man but for the art of knowing how to kill a man and walking away from him and maybe writing from a vulnerable place instead of a place of anger and sharing it with stranger's make's my work that much better.

Yoko get's nice with John Candy.

So I ask you-are you going through a transition in your life and finding it a struggle? If you are, I'm here to tell you that your not alone. We all have demon's and sometime's they win out.
But the most important thing is to keep forging ahead and don't give up at getting better.

My Revolution use to be "Fuck off and get Happy." Now its "Fuck off and get Nice"

Going to give it my all and see what happen's! Sooo what is the name of YOUR Revolution??!

I gotta go now, I'm going to be late for class.

Where's my white belt?

Lot's o' love and sloppy nice kisses,

Yoko Sanchez

XXX

Don't forget to Follow me on Twitter!!!
Do it NOW!!!! MWWWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

GIRL TALK VOLUME 2

2010-10-24T02:21:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, you just can't make this shit up.

I give you GIRL TALK VOLUME 2

_________________________________________________________

GIRL 1

I saw this lady-she was beat up so bad, her eye was totally swollen shut. I was like, 'lady, you can barely walk'. Like, when your homeless, it must suck. She must have a lot going on.

_____________________________________________________

GIRL 2

I lived with a man that didn't fart. We lived together for 3 years and I never heard him fart once! I never trusted him. I can't trust a man that doesn't fart in front of me. It means' he's hiding stuff.
__________________________________________________________

GIRL 3

I went to a Japanese spa for my birthday. It was soo good. These Japanese women in their 50's wearing black bra's and underwear take you into a steam room and they scrub you front and back for two hours. I could have been there all day, let me tell you.

So, Tony called today from his sabbatical in India. He's in the jungle and it's dark and he was scared. The village feeds them and they have prayer time for hours. He called wanting to come home. I told him, 'I will be mad at you if you come home. You are out there in the jungle, it's not a hotel. Its a spiritual journey'. So he stayed. I mean, it's insane out there.

I'm just happy because he's suffering. There's no women out there. I know where he is every night. He's a prisoner.

YOKO
When does he come home from his sabbatical?

GIRL 3
December.

__________________________________________________________

GIRL 4

I can't believe your leaving now that I'm a somebody.

_______________________________________________________

GIRL 5
You can either be an unpolished diamond, like the Tiffany diamond, full of black spots.
Or you can be a Birk's' diamond. They polish the diamond and polish the diamond until it's flawless and there are no black spots. You need to keep polishing your diamond until you are flawless.

_________________________________________________________

GIRL 6

I have an ulcer. My stomach's been bugging me for a while.

YOKO
Did you go to the Doctor and get checked out?

GIRL 6
Yeah, they took tests but they don't know what it is. I think it's an ulcer. I'm stressed.

YOKO
Try jube jube's and semen. Don't eat the green's one's though. They taste like shit.
(One day I will tell this bitch her man is gay and her dog is ugly. I'm waiting for the right time).
*GIRL 4 AND GIRL 6 ARE THE SAME.*
____________________________________________________________

GIRL 7
I'm such a whore Yoko. You don't even know. After I was done with him, I slept with his friend.
You'd be so proud of me.

YOKO
I don't care whose balls your licking. What are you writing?!!!!!!!!!!

GIRL 7
Nothing. I'm too busy being a whore. I love it.

YOKO
Fine. Do what you gotta do. But write something whore.
______________________________________________________

The more I listen to Girls Talk to eachother I realize, we are just here to make the planet a more beautiful place to live. If we show up wearing lip gloss and our bangs are cute, we can pretty much get away with saying anything-to anybody. I test that theory out on a daily basis.

Licking nutella off your girlfriends nipples,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Birthday countdown is on....

2010-10-14T10:55:00.000-04:00

Guy Bourdin

It's my birthday on Saturday!!!!!!!!
Mark it on your calendars 'cause there's going to be magic in the air!

Gotta go now...blog coming after I do.

Love,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

BOY TALK

2010-10-07T00:06:00.000-04:00

Hello freaks!

Just wanted to give a shout out to all the people reading my blog from around the world! I finally started looking at the stat's on this thing and realized i'm reaching more people than I thought. The highest to lowest viewers are: Canada, US, UK, Germany,Spain, India, Iran, Italy, Portugal and Saudia Rabia...it makes a girl want to stay up all night, put away the hitachi and write. Almost.
Love you all for taking a small bite of my world-hope its making you horny and happy!
If you have a question for me-any question at all...send me an email at: yokosanchez@gmail.com and I'll reply back in my Ask Yoko blog.

Follow me on Twitter.... do it now!(My twat's are entertaining-even if I do force myself to share in 140characters)
http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez

Without further adieu....

Here is BOY TALK:
The following is a series of selected quote's from boy's.
_______________________________________________________________
BOY 1

I'm not listening to a word your saying right now. I'm just smelling you. Don't mind me, keep talking.

YOKO
But it's perfume and sweat your smelling.

BOY 1
It doesn't matter what a girl's wearing if she smells good, she smells good.
I don't like a girl who smells too fresh. I don't like a girl to smell like deodorant. You know what I mean? Come closer.
__________________________________________________________________
BOY 2

White, black, Chinese, blue, purple...we're all slaves to The Man. It's good slavery evolved this way, not just black's anymore.

Yoko
Who is The Man now? Whom our we assuming the position to?

BOY 2
If your not sure who The Man is-just look above you. You'll know.
_________________________________________________________________

BOY 3

Corruption is worse than HIV Aids. Corruption is a killer. Millions of people die because of one person's greed.

YOKO
Do you believe in God?

BOY 3
No. If there was a God-the world would be perfect. There are people who travel the world over twice and yet there are children who don't even get a meal a day.
What kind of God let's that happen? Not a powerful one. If I was God-everything would be right with the world. Real power is not letting people suffer.
___________________________________________________________________
BOY 4

I just got an iphone. That ought to make me happy for 5 min. There should be an app for parenting. Seriously. Is there one?
___________________________________________________________________
BOY 5

I'm picturing you naked, just wearing pearl's and red high heels while you mop the kitchen floor. I know that sound's really chauvinist of me-but I don't care.
________________________________________________________________

BOY 6

Hang in. You're unique, and don't let the vagaries of life ever make you lose any of that uniqueness.
__________________________________________________________________
BOY 7

Can you make yourself cry? I can. I did yesterday actually. I was with a girl and I cried and she loved it. I'm not going to tell you what it was over-but yeah, I cried. I'm not proud of it.

YOKO
Then why are you smiling like an asshole?

BOY 7
Ok, maybe I'm a little proud of it.
___________________________________________________________________________

Aretha-The Queen of Soul. Who's Zoomin'who? Word.

Danish Film Director and Screenwriter, Lars Van Trier:

Slapping you with my cock just the way you like it,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

My October guest thrill's me.

2010-10-05T13:56:00.000-04:00

Crystal Ren-Elle Italia

“ It was one of those days when every time I went to go out the door, something grabbed me in the back of the brain and said, lie down and masturbate one more time."

I Pass Like Night by Jonathan Ames

God I love this gloomy, rainy, autumn weather!

Enjoy your Tuesday!
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

GIRL TALK

2010-09-09T23:29:00.001-04:00

Too much work to do right now...but I just had to blog this.
Here is my quick and dirty- Thursday Girl Talk.
__________________________________________
GIRL 1
Wow. You look pretty today. Your not wearing your glasses.

YOKO
I had to take them off. Your camel toe was distracting me.
__________________________________________
GIRL 2 was super hot. Upon meeting her I stroked her long shiny brown ponytail and complimented her...then she opened her mouth.

YOKO
I really like your hair color.

GIRL 2
Thanks! I dyed my whole hair dark at home but wasn't sure if I liked it so I went to the hairdresser and we decided to go lighter and then she stripped my hair and then put on another color and a rinse and then some highlights. I'm not sure if it's caramel or honey or chestnut or mahogany? What would you call it? Yeah, i'm not sure what she did to it but it's a good color right? Like caramel right? I like it. Thanks."

____________________________________________________
GIRL 3
He say's to me, 'I got a big black cock'. I say's, 'Good for you'. He say's, 'And it's uncircumcised.' And I say's to him, 'Ewww. Get that thing away from me!(She point's to her tit's and cooch) You want this?! You want THIS?!...You can't have it!' He was a nice guy though.
___________________________________________________

Yah, I know your going to look forward to these every Thursday.

Pulling ur hair and slipping you tongue,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Brazilian Girls-Pussy. Enjoy!

Get your ass up and back to school.

2010-09-07T11:10:00.000-04:00

Square Pegs.

Today is the first day back to school for some and I must say that I’ve alway's loved this day even when I hated the school and the kid's in it. I just loved dressing in my new clothes, busting my new nap sack and showing up for my classe's and finding out what the curriculum would be for the year and what boy's I was going to crush on.

My Favorite teacher was...
The one teacher I most wanted to impress in high school was Mr. Loux, he taught People and Politics and happened to be my soccer coach.
He was a no bullshit kind of guy who didn’t dole out praise lightly.
You had to earn the pat on the back by going to class and doing the work.
You had to bleed and barf on the soccer field during every practice or you weren’t good enough to play the game on Monday.

Yes, he was an asshole that didn’t just want a 100% from you-he wanted a 1000%.

One day in class, he went through our assignment's we had handed in and voiced his disgust that they all looked the same, sounded the same and smelled the same.

He said to us, “A few years ago, I had a student who handed in they're "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" essay in a plastic bag. I wasn’t sure what to think at first but then I took it out and went over it and it was the best essay I had read in years. He was eccentric-and clearly knew his work was different. You guys all handed in the same goddamn thing. Being eccentric is a good thing. Sure I care if you cross your t’s and dot your I’s but I want something more from you. Think out of the fucking box would you please!?”

A naughty Yoko get's rewarded.
I never did hand in my “One flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” assignment. I waited until the last minute to do it-rented the movie the night before and was too traumatized by what I saw to write about it afterwards. I told him I put it on his desk with the pile of others. He assumed he lost it and liked me enough to give me a B+.

I didn’t feel good about lying to him but I vowed that my next assignment was going to be the best thing I ever wrote. It was George Orwell's 1984 and fortunately for me he had us all pick character names out of a hat and had everyone in the class role play the parts from the book.
I got an A+ .

Thank the teacher that made you better.
I wrote him a letter year's later thanking him for being an asshole who asked more from his student's than just the status fucking quo. He wrote back with one line that said he put my letter up on his fridge for his thirteen year old daughter to see.

Yoko's Thought of the Day.
My teacher was an intense man but I liked that. He made me better by just being in the same room with him. Listen to the people who demand the best from you-always.

Gotta go now and get work done. Lot's going on in the next few months'that I will be letting you all know about real soooon..So, stay tuned for details!!!
*I'm so excited*!!!!

Here is a clip from the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's" Nest-it's brilliantly acted by Jack Nicholson and the Native actor Will Sampson. Chief escapes the lobotomy. Jack does not.

Bleeding and barfing on the soccer field,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Glenn Beck reclaim's Civil Rights for white people.

2010-08-29T15:23:00.000-04:00

Saturday marked the 47th anniversary that Martin Luther King Jr, one of the greatest American Civil Rights Leaders, stood at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC and gave his ‘I have a dream speech’ to 250,000 thousand people, invoking equal opportunity for all black American’s.

It’s just a fucking coincidence that on the anniversary of that monumental day, yesterday, Fox News host Glenn Beck and the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, stood at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC and rallied 87 000 white Tea Party member’s to a ‘Restoring honour’ and “Bringing it back to God” movement.

According to Beck, rallying on the same day as MLK did 47 years ago, shows that “We're here to reclaim the Civil Right’s movement. Martin Luther King’s speech does not only belong for African Americans”.

Meanwhile, from a high school in Washington DC, Civil Rights leader Reverend Al Sharpton held a rival rally, accusing Beck and former Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, of trying to hijack an important part of African-American history, Sharpton said: "They want to disgrace this day and we're not giving them this day. This is our day and we ain't giving it away."

And so the day came down to Whites vs Blacks - Beck vs Sharpton-fighting for the same thing in America-Civil Rights on behalf of their people.

Judging from the turn out in Washington, there are more than a few white people threatened by what the majority of minorities will do to their country and are clinging to the two dumbest people on the planet to lead them out of bondage.

Beck and Palin. The Archie and Edith Bunker of the Tea Party Movement.

One tea party member said while sitting in his lawn chair at the rally, “We are going to flip the house and senate in November and show everybody how much we love our country and to restore it back to the way it was before Obama.”

I guess electing a black man to the White House two year's ago didn’t end up pleasing everybody with a mortgage, a gun license and a medic alert bracelet.

"We must not fundamentally transform America, as some would want. We must restore America and restore her honor." Said Palin at the rally.

I find it funny how the self proclaimed Maverick and the rest of the Republican’s talk about restoring honor and giving back to our troops when they’ve refused to even pass a benefit's bill for emergency workers who were first on the scene of the 9/11 attacks. A bill proposed by the democrats for the last 9 years.

Heroes deserve better than what the right wing Republican white man has to offer-and that is a fact.

If MLK's I have a Dream speech taught the world anthing, it was that a nation can only rise to the standard's of it's people. Equal rights for all and to judge someone on their character and not the color of their skin....

There are at least 87,000 people who showed up in Washington on Saturday, who refuse to swallow the dream and choose to follow Beck and Palin back to 1963 instead.

I think Obama needs to show these hater's-what's what in 2010. He`s got the power to do that now thanks to the great black men that proceeded him.

Here are a few I am posting to celebrate how far America has come.

God Bless.

Yoko-fight the power-Sanchez.

xxx

Civil Rights leader-Martin Luther King-'I have a dream'speech.

The Great Malcolm X. 'The Problem is Still here.'

Stokley Carmichael-'Black Power Speech'.

Sidney Poitier. "On Civil Rights'- I still love him forever.

XXX

Cowboy`s, Indian`s and Asians do Fake Prom right!

2010-08-28T14:11:00.001-04:00

Me and a fake Indian at Fake Prom. Yum. `
Never thought i'd get to party like it's prom 2010 with boy`s dressed as Indians and chic`s dressed as men..but I did at this year's Fake Prom and it was a blast!

I was so jealous of her outfit-and `stache-
and so turned on.

The party was held in a Banquet hall by the water in Toronto and it was such a nice summer night that you could be outdoors drinking and carousing with your friend's.

The outdoor party is booming in the Wild Wild West.

The stage is set for the Western Fake Prom.

Dim Sum and I at Fake Prom 2010.

Heel`s and balloon`s. We ballin`.

We decided to stay mostly indoors and dance and take fun pics-'cause that's what Asians do!

The gang at Fake Prom! KABOOM!

The lovely ladies came out in style. Love the Broke Back mountain boys too!!

The streamers. The people.

Friend`s and stranger`s showed up dressed in a variety of costumes. I was afraid to over due it and left my sequence and garter at home, but obviously I was wrong!

Christine and Ian show off their Wild West attire!

She is a Western Omlett: He is a Chinese railroad worker.

Emma is a hot Wild Wild West hooker. I am Yoko.

Two Perfect Dates at Fake Prom. Light 'er up!

Me and Alvin-he was the bomb at Prom!

There were many way's for you and your little friend's to remember your Fake Prom night 2010 -like taking pictures by a fake chuck wagon and of coarse, a WANTED poster.

Dim Sum+Yoko+ fake chuck wagon+fake horse=Hot.

My WANTED poster. Reward: 5 Billion dollars.

The bald girl with the feather had a super hot vibe to her.
Overall my first experience was fun and I`ll go back next year-in sequence and a `stache. Maybe drink a little more and stay a little longer.¸

Yoko`s Thought for the Day.

I guess I needed to go back and celebrate my fake prom to remind me of how fucking epic the journey's been for me since being an awkward teen. I hated high school for so many reason`s.. but mostly cause it sucked! I couldn't wait to grow up, make my own rule's and get the hell out of the small town I grew up in.

When I was 17, I wanted desperately to live dangerously-to love wildly and to be famous.

No one told me how important it was to find your calling in life...and that dancing to the beat of your own drum could really pay off in the long run. If you can get other's to dance with you...then your money!

Me. Shaken`my money maker.

What they didn't play last night- I`ll `stop the world and melt with you-Modern English.

I still love this silly song.

Now, back to writing my screenplay.....no one else know`s your story better than you.

Good night freaks and onto the next adventure!

French kisses...

Yoko Sanchez

XXX

Fake Prom meets the Wild Wild West....and Yoko.

2010-08-26T23:36:00.000-04:00

I will be going to Fake Prom Friday night at the Palais Royal in Toronto. My little Asian friend Dim Sum and the gang are getting dressed up in our little fake prom dresses' and we're going to dance the night away. This year's theme is the Wild Wild West. I'm not sure what to expect but i'm hoping to see some hot cowboy's and cowgirl's there- brandishing weapons.

It looks like country music won't be avoidable at the event, even though the website say's the playlist will include old skool music. I just know the Bon Jovi song, It's my Life will be played out and i'll have to run away and hide since I hate dancing to that song with strangers.
Especially when he gets to the verse-Its my life /if it's now or never/And I aint gonna live forever/I just wanna live while i'm alive....its my life! I like to rock out to that song in front of my bedroom mirror topless and singing into my karaoke machine microphone.

Here's hoping the fake prom is better than the real one was...although I don''t remember it.

What is Fake Prom?
Fake Prom is exactly what it sounds like: an annual dress-up party that mimics the look and feel of a high school graduation formal dance...but is completely fraudulent! Not sanctioned by any official scholastic institutions or learning organizations, Fake Prom is a counter-culture alternative to the uptight rigidity of more "authorised" events. So don't worry about all of the boring stuff involved in attending an actual prom..just come out and dance the night away!

I'm going because....

Stay tuned! I'll give you the scoop when i get back!!

If you've been to one of these-let me know if you liked it!

GIDDYUP AND YEE-HAW!!!!

Tickets are only $15dollars! A limited amount of tickets can be purchased online or you can take your chance and buy them at the door.

Palais Royal
801 Queen Street West
Toronto, ON M6J 1G1
416-504-8447
www.rotate.com

Love and kisses,

Yoko Fake Prom Queen Sanchez

yokosanchez@gmail.com

Secret Lesbian's of the South.

2010-08-24T22:18:00.000-04:00

This is Dinah Shore.

She came and sat beside me by the pool at the Hilton. A gorgeous blond MILF who smelled like candy and cigarettes.

EXT-HOTEL,POOLSIDE-DAY

MONICA
Hi, I’m Monica, what's your name sugar?

(Hot damn, she’s a southern belle with a smoking habit)

YOKO
I’m Yoko and I’m from Toronto Canada.

MONICA
Yoko from Toronto Can-a-da. Isn’t that nice. What do u do in Canada Yoko?

YOKO
I write and perform comedy, work in televsion production..and cater weddings sometimes to pay the rent.

(She looks at me inquisitively then lights up a cigarette and leans in)

MONICA
So, you’re a Go Go dancer?

YOKO
Sure. Sure, I’m a Go Go dancer.

MONICA
Oh hey honey, that’s cool with me. I use to be a Go Go dancer when I was 17. I made lot's of money and I dated the hottest drug dealer in Los Velas. Hey, I like you. You should come to my Palm Springs home next time you’re here. A bunch of us girls do Dina Shore and then come back and part-ayy at my house. You’d love it!"

YOKO
What kind of partying do you girls do? And what do you mean you do Dina Shore?

MONICA
Well, Dina Shore weekend is a fun hang out for me and my friend's. We golf during the day, go back to my home and we get drunk and play games and scream and laugh.
My one girlfriend did get naked and ended up duck taped to a chair once and she doesn’t remember how it happened. This one lesbian really went to town on her. It was fun-ny!

She stood up and butt out her marlboro light cigarette in the ashtray by the pool.

MONICA
I gotta go Yoko, nice to meet you. I’ll be back tomorrow for the party here at the hotel. Will you be here?

YOKO
Yup.

(She gave me a hug and I told her she smelled good. My southern belle blushed.)

MONICA
Goodbye Yoko.

She left the building.

I felt like KD Lang for the rest of the day. Half gay, half Elvis.

This is the Dinah Shore lesbian weekend.

I looked it up after she left. Apparently thousands of secret and not so secret lezbo's make their way to Palm Springs and play and laugh all in the name of Dinah Shore.

I might have to check it out for myself next March...and I don't even play golf.

Kissing your girlfriend,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Down and out in Beverly Hills.

2010-08-20T00:52:00.000-04:00

Merv Griffin. Beverly Hilton Hotel.

It was the fourth day into my stay at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, when Martha Plimpton and her lesbian lover showed up poolside. They looked like 12 year old’s with hard nips and tiny bottoms while they played Marco Polo.
It was hot to watch but I knew I wouldn’t get any writing done so I left on an adventure down Santa Monica Blvd.

These are the stories of 3 homeless people I talked to while walking around Beverly Hills.

Somebody’s gotta tell it.

Quincy
I met a homeless black man sitting in front of the fountain in Beverly Hills right off of Santa Monica Blvd. He wore a blue wool jacket on top of several layers of clothes, black dress pants and a baseball cap that barely sat on top of his bushy hair. I noticed him staring at his reflection and holding onto a small red broken mirror, the kind you’d find in a little girls vanity set.

I asked him if he wanted my muffin, and he asked what kind it was.
I told him blueberry and he accepted my treat upon further inspection. I sat down beside him without an invitation. He started to eat the muffin hungrily, watching himself in the mirror. When I asked him his name again he looked into the broken mirror, and whispered to no one in particular, “I’m so sad”

I told him my name was Yoko, he smiled for the first time revealing small broken teeth and said, “I’m Quincy” and shook my hand, still holding the mirror in the other.
I said, “What’s with the mirror Quincy?”and he said softly, "My hair is bugging me. It’s so itchy under my chin” and he scratched the thick, mangled hair on his face. All I could think about was the phrase my hot little Portuguese hair stylist says to me as soon as i sit in her chair, “Change your hair, change your life.”

He kept staring at his reflection repeating, "I'm so sad."

I wanted so bad to make Quincy happy and all it would take was a good haircut and shave. But we were stuck in Beverly Hills! Where the hell was I going to take this homeless black man for a good clean shave and possibly change his life?

I got up and touched Quincy’s arm and told him I was from Canada so he knew he could trust me and said everything would be ok. I was going to come back for him.

I left Quincy where he was so I could go find him a place to get a haircut.
I only went to three salons but they were ‘booked’ for the day.

By the time I came back Quincy was gone. I felt like I failed him.

Giselle
I walked around Beverly Hills and lost my sense of direction. It happens frequently.
Feeling hot and tired and slightly dumb, I dropped my bags by a parkette and guzzled my water, carelessly soaking myself like I was in East LA-and not Rodeo Dr.

Suddenly someone hands me a napkin and say’s, “Wipe your face sweetie, you got it all over you.” I turned around to see this little old woman in her 70’s dressed in all black attire- long sleeved blouse, long skirt, panythose and black shiny shoes. Her face was pale white with rouge cheeks covered with old age spots and crimson red lips that were drawn in way over her mouth. She wore huge Jackie O sunglasses and her thinning hair was parted down the middle.

I would have thought she was one of the rich folks but it was her lack of teeth that gave away her status in life. I took the napkin, thanking her and asked her name. She said, “It doesn’t matter” with a thick German accent.

I told her my name is Yoko and she said, “That’s a nice Asian name. " I told her I was from Canada and asked her where she was from? She said from Berlin. I said “Where Cabaret and Burlesque started. That’s cool!”
“Oh my God, Yes! That was the era darling!! My name is Giselle and I was a cabaret performer back in the day when people were cool. Now, everybody’s a piece of shit walking around trying to be somebody.”
I liked Giselle instantly.

She seemed to suddenly dance around me holding onto her buggy and recalling the day’s when life was grand in Berlin, Germany in burlesque and cabaret clubs. Her husband apparently was a young Canadian soldier who died in the army and she lived here for a while a long time ago. She stopped and reached into the buggy and grabbed bird seed and started feeding the pigeons saying “Can you believe some shit head left a mouse in a cage in the garbage. I’m going home to look after him now. Ahhh, that was the era,” and started to hum a saucy cabaret tune.

Before I knew it, the bus arrived, Giselle stood by the door and yelled to me, “That was the era darrrling!”

Wonderful Jennifer Johes.
It was too hot that day in Beverly Hills to be wearing a black raincoat and hoody but Miss Wonderful Jennifer Johes, a black woman in her mid thirties was doing just that. Sitting on a park bench along Santa Monica Blvd fixing and rearranging her items one by one in the buggy in front of her.
I came by and asked if she was hot in her raincoat and she said “No honey, I’m fine. The raincoat keeps the sun off me.”
I introduced myself and asked her name. She said with a big smile on her face, “it’s Wonderful” in a southern drawl.

“My full singing name and the one you may know me by is, Wonderful Jennifer Johes. I use to be a singer. Well, I still am but I’m waiting for my money from the record company. They owe me something like ten million dollars. ”
“Why do they owe you money?” I asked. She said with a stern look on her face and sweaty upper lip, “Well, actually, my family owe’s me money too because I was a young singer and they were taking care of all my earnings. My father spent a lot of it on himself and the family. They would make me sing all the time for the cash.”
“Can you sing now?” I asked, curious to hear if her story was true or not.
“No, I refuse to sing now. I’m angry.”

“Why are you angry if you can sing? That’s a blessing from Jesus! Praise everyday you wake up with a song if you can sing, Wonderful.” I said hoping she wouldn’t smack me for going all Christian on her.

I saw a look of complete anger wash over her brown eye’s and she said, “I’m angry at God for not giving me my money. I suppose I could sing to Jesus but Jesus was just a man and he sinned like we do. I don't talk to Jesus I talk to God for my money. I won’t sing til I get my money. I just want what’s mine in this life. That’s all I’m asking for child.”
And turned her head from me.

The only thing I got her to sing was what she said she was famous for,
“It’s the top 100 with Casey Kasemmm”.

She told me to google her.

The American dream starts looking blurry when everybody’s doing the same thing to achieve it. Everybody wants to be somebody but don't forget about the one's the American Dream left behind. A country is only as good as it's people.

Give somebody a hand, give them HOPE.

If you want to know what true hope sounds like....listen to the music of Tom Waitts and a tramp composed by Gavin Bryars, called "Jesus Blood Never Failed Me Yet"...

Here is the story behind it. Read it, then listen for yourself.

"In 1971, when I lived in London, I was working with a friend, Alan Power, on a film about people living rough in the area around Elephant and Castle and Waterloo Station. In the course of being filmed, some people broke into drunken song - sometimes bits of opera, sometimes sentimental ballads - and one, who in fact did not drink, sang a religious song "Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet". This was not ultimately used in the film and I was given all the unused sections of tape, including this one.

When I played it at home, I found that his singing was in tune with my piano, and I improvised a simple accompaniment. I noticed, too, that the first section of the song - 13 bars in length - formed an effective loop which repeated in a slightly unpredictable way. I took the tape loop to Leicester, where I was working in the Fine Art Department, and copied the loop onto a continuous reel of tape, thinking about perhaps adding an orchestrated accompaniment to this. The door of the recording room opened on to one of the large painting studios and I left the tape copying, with the door open, while I went to have a cup of coffee.

When I came back I found the normally lively room unnaturally subdued. People were moving about much more slowly than usual and a few were sitting alone, quietly weeping.I was puzzled until I realised that the tape was still playing and that they had been overcome by the old man's singing.

This convinced me of the emotional power of the music and of the possibilities offered by adding a simple, though gradually evolving, orchestral accompaniment that respected the tramp's nobility and simple faith. Although he died before he could hear what I had done with his singing, the piece remains as an eloquent, but understated testimony to his spirit and optimism."

Jesus blood never failed me yet....

Yoko Sanchez

Nude camping off the bucket list...Next.

2010-08-19T15:15:00.000-04:00

A SANCHEZ EXPOSE

I arrived back in Toronto last Tuesday on the over night flight from LA with a headache, a tired pocket rocket and the realization that I could no longer stay in one place for too long. It's best to keep moving to wherever life takes me- since a change of scenery ended up being the best thing to shake me back to the point of no return!
I'm not going to wait 'til I'm dead to be free!!!

Forest Washing-Let's do it!

Me. Fire starter. Not.

My girlfriend Nikki, parked the car at the Bare Oa ks Resort campsite, got out and tore off her clothes like they were burning her skin for the 40min drive it took us to get out of the city. She bounced into the building to register us, with me trailing behind her, still wearing my sundress and clutching my purse.

I walked up to the office counter and was greeted by a very young and very naked pregnant girl wearing a big smile and dishevelled ponytail.

Our wrist bands. Love.

Women are encouraged to show their bobbers!

The girl registered us for the next few day’s, gave us wristbands, and went over some standard rules, the top of the list was to get naked and to stay naked. For the first time in my life I didn’t want to be the naughty one breaking the rules and modestly peeled off my sundress, carrying it with me while a nice middle aged woman with blond hair and very dark bushy eyebrow's showed us around the grounds.

The scenery. Tee heee.

It was only the first day but by the time we pitched two tent's naked (one of them was my personal Masturbating Tent-named MT) and started the campfire-naked, I felt completely at peace with everybody’s naughty bits, including my own.

Nikki and I trying to start a fire. Naked.

I even left the suitcase I brought full of panties in the car and just walked around talking to random friendly people and not judging anybody (well, kind of). Enjoying the fact that we were truly amongst Naturalists and not young,hot, gorgeous nudists looking for sex since us girls got ass attacked by dinner time with major mosquito bites.
So not sexy scratching your booty in the forest but it didn't stop us from swimming in the man made pond in the blistering sun.

Naked Nikki sweeping the tent for us girls She's so a mom.

What is a Naturalist?
A Naturalist in the past, was a person who was nude but was someone who enjoyed communing with nature. Being nude in the woods, mountains, etc. I think as time has passed the definitions of Naturalists/Nudists merged as people who enjoy being nude all the time, or as much as possible, and enjoy being nude wherever they can, in a metropolitian area, country, beach, woods or the mountains.

Diving off the dock made me feel like Dixie Carter was still alive-AMAZING!!

Writing bare naked in the wilderness...where the fuck is my wifi??
I paid five dollars at the campsite to get wifi for 24 hrs and it did work but it was slow and testy. I had zero patience with it and just decided to dance with the girls by the fire and have fun. Promising to write as soon as I got home and got naked.Plus the girls nagged me to get off of my computer...nag nag nag.

Family time.

Talk it down and behave it.
I was shocked to see naked friendly people scattered everywhere- amongst the tents, trailers and log cabins. They waved to us while they lounged naked by the pool, by the pond, rode bikes, hiked and jogged. It was clear that this was a way of life for most of them since they seemed so carefree wearing a smile and not talking to my pert tits. The only thing more jarring than that was the families with small children, including Nana and papa and pooch all walking around together, showering together and eating together-nude.

I automatically tried to cover my boobs the first time a 12 year old boy came running by me but I learned from one of the kid's mother's that they were brought up from a young age to not see women sexually and when they do get hard on’s while they mature into men, they are told to ‘go sit in a corner, talk it down and behave it’.

Tiff enjoying Steam Whistle. In the buff. Hot.

Nudists go to other nude resorts on their down time.
Talking to Gord one of the regulars, a nice man in his late 40's at the Bare Bistro, and he said that once you've been out swimming and shopping and enjoying a way of life naked, you don't want to have to put on a bathing suit or clothes when your on vacation. Him and his wife are regulars at the Bare Oaks and other resorts around Ontario and not having the acceptance of his family about it is ok with him.

Tiffany & Nikki gathering fire wood. Lovely.

Men-read the rules and be happy your wife wants you there.

Men-if your wife is into exploring the nudist lifestyle and wants to go to a resort, don't be shy and go with her! If you look everybody in the eye you won't notice women's bare breasts and baby makers exposed 24 hrs on the grounds.
Or just talk it down and behave it.
If you read up on the lifestyle, you'll have a more open mind to the experience.

I'm sure you'll also appreciate your spouses body in a whole new way and you'll feel free to try new things sexually. In the privacy of your own tent, trailer or patch of forest. Or not. Whatever.

I learned from my nude camping experience, that I feel best when I'm raw and primal and playful. Leave the bullshit at home..always.

If I can do it...so can you!!!!!!!!!

Go do it NOW!!!!!!!!

If you want to know more about nude camp sites and the Naturist lifestyle visit Bare Oaks Camp resort website here.

Thank you for your support and share the Yoko love as often as you can!!!

Email me at yokosanchez@gmail.com
and stay in touch by following me on twitter- http://twitter.com/YokoSanchez

GET ON WITH IT-YOU DON'T NEED ANYBODY TO HOLD YOUR HAND!!!!!!!!

Yoko Ssssanchez.
XXX

GONE CAMPING.

2010-08-15T15:14:00.000-04:00

Funny how coming back from vacation only makes you want to vacation some more.
So when I got the invite from my girlfriend to go to a nudist camp resort with her for a week, I thought, why the hell not?!
I’ve never actually got naked on a nude beach before, let alone gone nude camping but I figure I can still wear panties if I get modest while making smore’s by the camp fire.

I’ve also never written naked in the wilderness, so this will be a new little adventure for me. One I’m sure Dr.Gonzo would approve of.

I must say, I’ve had the best summer ever with one adventure after another. I usually dislike summer and hide away at home 'til fall but even the crappy parts of this one turned out to be blessings in disguise.

So I will be blogging from an undisclosed location and I may or may not be incognito -wearing a moustache and glasses. I don't want to be harassed by gaukers.

Note, that there is not enough bug spray in the world to keep me from not wearing cotton panties to bed in the middle of a forest, so hopefully I won’t be kicked out for breaking the rules.

Life is only as good as you make it.

YOKO'S MUST HAVE'S FOR CAMPING IN THE BUFF
Gillette Razors
Booze
Blankets
First Aid kit
Soap
SPF 900
Deodarant
Graham crackers
Marsh mellows
Chocolate chips
Hot dogs
Hamburgers
Tofu
Drugs
Bug spray
Turkish coffee
Water
Koo laid
Grape Fanta
Doritos
Gummy bears

READING MATERIAL
Bruce Lee-Artist Life
Story of O-Pauline Reage (third read)
Born Standing up- Steve Martin (second read)
Save the Cat- Blake Snyder
The War of Art-Steven Pressfield (second read)
Trinity-First Series by DC comics

CLOTHES
Panties
Pasties
Pocket rocket
Flip flops

TECH SUPPORT
Laptop
Blackberry
ipod-Prince Greatest Hits
Batteries

MISCELLANEOUS
Rope
Badminton rackets
Frisbee

Ok, off we go...wish us luck and I'll check in soooon!!!

Kisses and tie me to the biggest tree in the forest,
Yoko Sanchez,
XXX

Make your world Magic. Disappear when the act is over.

2010-08-13T07:04:00.000-04:00

I was on vacation for two weeks in LA. I just got back a couple of days ago.
Yes, I had a hard on for the city of Angels after being teased the last time I was there and had to cure my itch with an assault of Americanism.
I’m back on my home turf and better than ever. Fuck I love this country.

I was going to blog about the trip but after catching up on all the news I missed, I can see there are more important things to blog about.

Women laying down their puss, their life and their talent for cock.
I'm soo over it!!!!

Latest example coming out of Hollywood for little impressionable girls, is the former American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino’s suicide attempt on Monday after being dumped by her married boyfriend Antwuan Cook. Barrino is accused of making several sex tapes with him by his ex wife, Paula Cook in a recent lawsuit.

It all sounds tawdry and dirty and perfect for Dr. Phil.

Fantasia has since been released from the hospital and is now recovering at home with her 9 yr old daughter and hopefully praising Jebus for giving her Oprah and a set of vocal cords that puts food on her table.

Now I know we all want to be loved but do we HAVE to live out loud and slash our wrists, take pills, burn down the baby daddy’s house-ride-hooker, give up our talent, barf our salmon tartar and max out our credit cards every time we’re wronged by a man who may or may not have loved us at all?

I use to let a broken heart debilitate me from doing anything for week's and then one day while crying my eyes out and watching A&E, I saw the story of the Greek Opera singer, Maria Calis who gave up her incredible singing career to be with the man she loved, Greek shipping tycoon, Aristotle Onasis.

Even though she was married and he was a womanizer, at the height of her career she stopped performing so that she could follow him around on his yacht, revelling in his love and adoration.

She replaced millions of fans with just one. He ended up marrying Jackie Kennedy and entertaining Maria as his whore til his death and she was never able to regain her voice or fame dying alone, childless and fan less at the ripe old age of 57.

At some point in your life you have to get a clue and realize that there is no such thing as forever.

The way I see it, we only ever get moments of ecstasy with people and the rest of the time we’re on our own. Alone. Make it a good thing.

Don’t waste your life or talent over little boy's that fuck you like a man.
Let Jebus fill your heart and find way’s to take care of your own sexual need's without being a whore. Mind fuck everybody you meet.

You don’t have to be a rock star to believe it’s a privilege to be in your company.

Make your world magic. Disappear when the act is over.
If they want you bad enough, they will go to the ends's of the earth to find you.

Thank you Purple heiness, Prince for making me want to be Darling Nikki and Not Claire Huxtable when I grew up. What a boring life that would have been.

Now go mastubate in a hotel lobby with a magazine...and think of me.

Kisses and cotton panties,
Yoko Sanchez,
XXX

The Best Birthday Cake EVER belongs to the boy from Calgary.

2010-08-05T00:28:00.000-04:00

The moment I met Topher McFarlane, I instantly had a hard on.
This mister sister blew me away with his intense love for Madonna, his sassy mouth and his ability to detect a talent a mile away. (ME). I knew we had to be besties.

Since he's been in my life, I've had to up my salacious content by a couple of notches, get organized -since he's a stickler for planning shit- and dream bigger than I ever imagined since he only associates with successful people.

So I celebrate my dear friend's brilliance for getting what life is really about and baking himself two epic cakes for his 26th Birthday party.

"The Ode to my boyhood in Calgary Cake"

"The Ode to my manhood in Toronto Cake"

Take a look at the moist double layer, pink semen filled cake, topped with rainbow candy sprinkles and gay porn stars fucking. YUMMMMMY!!!!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BLOG TOPHER.....BALLS TO THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!

You are my Lorne Michaels.

Love,

Yoko -touch- it -and- make -mommy -happy -Sanchez.

xxx

"You should just smile and blow me"

2010-07-16T20:19:00.000-04:00

I don't want to write about Mel Gibson's melt down but what kind of a blogger would I be if I didn't??? I really don’t give a fuck. He’s not my man, his name isn’t on my paycheque and I thought Passion of the Christ was one bloody beating away from being a Snuff film. It was religious porn at best. I was never a fan of whatever he was selling.

But thanks to Radaronline we'll be subjected to more of his racist and misogynist recordings complete with pics of Oksana and missing teeth for the next month. Oye.

The topic of the Oscar winner's angry rants has been perfect fodder for the girls of The View to go on and on about. That whole panel should wear a muzzle as far as I'm concerned. It’s obvious Elisabeth Hasselback and Sherri Shepherd are soldiers of Jesus which make's them a right off but Whoopi Goldberg continues to surprise me by defending her friends like Mel, saying the man she knows isn’t a racist. She also stood up for Alec Baldwin when his voice recording to his kid calling her “ a thoughtless pig” went public. Whoops also staunchly defended Mike Vick when he was charged for running brutal dog fighting rings.

Maybe she feels the need to do it because she’s black? Like she’s the underdog and underdog’s have got to stick together. Who know’s?

I stopped listenig to her the day she talked about how hard it was to clean her ass properly without getting poo under her nails. No lie. I barfed hearing it. I would post the clip if I could find it.

I just wish that women who have no idea what their talking about would STFU!

'Cause, I’ll tell u from now, after a man abuses you, you’ll spend the rest of your life finding an excuse to abuse them back.
Oksana now has something to live for.

If you are being abused...please click here.

Yoko -kick'em in the nut's and watch them bleed- Sanchez.
XXX

"DON'T TOUCH ME MARY"!!!!!

2010-07-08T02:15:00.001-04:00

IT'S OK TO BE GAY/BI/TRANSGENDER/LEZBO/YOKO!!

Toronto threw another fabulous Gay Pride Parade and I was there to cover it all for you. If you've never been to Pride T oronto, let me tell you that your missing out on the largest celebration of GAY in Canada and the biggest in the world boasting a million visitors a year.
It's come along way in the last 30 years.. its hard to believe that gay men and women in Toronto were afraid to come out and celebrate the big event for fear of being arrested in the 80's.

If you want to know a little history about how Pride Toronto evolved read about "Operation Soap" - which went down in 1981 and was the catalyst for the event.

I've been to Pride as a spectator, marched in Pride with the HSSE but covering it for The Yoko Sanchez Show has been the apple to my GAY pie.

So here is how PRIDE TO looked if you missed it y'all!! Thanks for letting me interview you if you were one of the bunch in the crowd. I HAD A BLAST!!!!
Stay tuned for videos to come.....

All pics by Sabina Bunin.

All hot bi girls should wear this outfit.

Treansgender woman just stating the facts.

Mayoral candidate, George Smitherman-
He liked me.

You show up to the party topless, i'm going to
cop a feel-Loved this lezbo couple!

Not sure what i'm looking for...

My Xtina puss is Bionic.

Trevor Boris shows off his fab abs!

Blue bubble girl was disturbing but cool

MuchMusic's Trevor Boris supports the LGBT community
at Pride.

Talking into my dildo lollipop and not the mic..

Handing out condoms to the crowd.

She's from Africa and her girlfriend is from Brampton.
Lezbian sex unites the world.
Get into it.

Her husband wears this fancy unitard out to dinnner some
nights. She doesn't mind.

A bunch of chums just out at Pride, showin' off the pecks.

Camear Op, Elvis and me at Pride.

A gay/lezbo special moment with Trevor Boris.

Two gays from Amsterdam here for Pride. LoVe THem!!

Love the Asian boys.

I gave them condoms they'll never use.

Holding up the parade interviewing pple from sponsor, TD Bank

BUBBLES!!!

Yoko Sanchez at Gay Pride 2010. BEST TIME EVER! SEE YA'LL NEXT YEAR FREAKS!
Camera Op-Elvis Deane.

See you next at Pride To and make sure you celebrate all the colours in your rainbow.

Kisses,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Its fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-07T10:42:00.000-04:00

Dita Von Tease via suicideblonde

I am going to fucking melt! Toronto has been experiencing a heatwave for the last few days and I don't think I can take it much longer`!! I don't have AC, which means, I wander around the house naked, fanning my dog and eating watermelon and ice cream. I only leave my apartment to grab cheebah and food and walk the pooch.

Even masturbating in this weather is a health risk-I got dizzy by orgasm #3 and had to quit. I might have lost a pound and a half in that last session alone.
Today, I will be at home, naked -again, writing my Gay Pride Blog and posting pics for you to enjoy and laying off the Hitachi for now.

Last year I wrote a blog on How to Stay Cool During the Hot and Horny Sleepless Nights...going to go refer to it and get my Dildosicle ready for tonight's consumption.

My Pink Panther cools me offffff.

If your basking in the glory of AC right now...my pussy is applauding you.
I promise -The house I buy in the Hollywood Hills will have a goddam pool!!!!!

Kisses and cold pussy cocktails,
Yoko -get- me- the- fuck- out -of- dodge- Sanchez.
XXX

The New Wonder Woman is hot in Flint Michigan..but that's all.

2010-07-02T21:25:00.000-04:00

WW Protesting her new makeover by la famillia, DC Comics.

This week marked the release of the revamped version of Wonder Woman by DC comics for the Volume 1 600th edition and my review is not a good one.
You see after 69 yrs of fighting evil and saving Superman from himself-the powers that be-namely Diane Nelson, the head of DC Entertainment, signed off on Jim Lee, the Co-producer of DC Comics and his all male crew, to create the new image of the female icon.

If you love Wonder Woman like I do your probably wondering what's the reason for messing with her in the first place? I mean, it's wayy over due for the boys in the Justice League to get a makeover??!! The only thing missing from they're capes and masks are glitter. Why wasn't anybody over at DC concerned with a fresh look for these pansies???!!

Lee addresses the makeover in a NY Times interview, “Part of what we do is we have these heroes that are sort of modern mythology, but at the same time, you can't create them so they're so lofty, so different from how we look that you can't identify with them. I think part of the storyline is redefining Wonder Woman to be more like one of us. She's got a mind of her own and I think she was just kind of ready for something new. Her attitude is, if this is the new thing that she wants to wear, well, by God, she's going to wear it. And I like that. And I hope in the new storyline someone comments on the change and she says, get over it!"
Excuse me while I barf Stan. You got it all wrong!

WW is proud of who she is and would never feel the need to be ‘trendy’ and blend in with civilians. What for? She’s a goddam Superhero.

Part of the perks of being one is that she gets to show off her bodacious crime fighting body in a red bustier, blue star spangled spandex booty shorts, with a cape and cuffs. Now you’ve got her sporting dark leggings, a studded denim jacket, spurred heeled boots and motorcycle gloves.

Congratulations fucktards, you made her look like a cougar from Flint Michigan.

DC Comics New Wonder Woman 2010

The new writer for the DC comics series J.Michael Straczynski, also told the New York Times he wanted to "toughen her up and give her a modern sensibility”

From where I’m sitting, even the Kardashian sisters look tougher than the new WW you created and they're Armenian dammitt!!

My WW, the one that I grew up admiring, has 36 DD's, owns an invisible jet, sports a golden truth lasso, has lesbian sex on occasion, flies when she needs the exercise, is capable of killing a man if warranted, and does it all in red hooker boots -what’s not bad ass about that?? Let’s not forget the boomerang tiara that can knock a gorilla out cold if need be.

The Hottest Superhero in the universe. My WW.

Keep in mind, the last time DC comics messed with the girl’s image and got it all wrong, was in 1968, when she lost her powers, dressed mod and practiced martial arts. It took the attention of Gloria Steinem to protest the change, and to help get the Amazon back into her sexy star-spangled duds.

DC Comics- New WW -circa 1968

So, who or what will it take to bring back our Suffering Sappho to her original form?
Will we just have to call on the Wonder Woman inside of us to take care of business now that this new bitch ain’t got a fucking clue!!?

I say, go ahead Jennifer Love Hewitt-you can play her now. But you'll have to vagazzle your vajayjay if you want people to give a shit about the Superhero now.

And ofcoarse-Diane Nelson- shame on you for being the woman responsible for a female icon’s tragic fashion fail. I will meet you one day at a private party and pull your hair before the valet whisks your car away. You fucked with the wrong Superhero.

If you want to check out the final chapter of WW written by a woman, Gail Simone before the 600th edition, go here..

Now, the video below might just blow your mind in awesomeness.. You are going to want to play it over and over again after you see it.

*WARNING: NSFW *

"You wanna do the man dance?!" HAHAHA!

Finally Superman manages to get me moist....

Kisses and golden lasso choke holds,

Yoko WW Sanchez

XXX

Happy Canada Day!!!

2010-07-01T11:48:00.000-04:00

Photo-Sabina Bunin

Goddam I love this country, for so many reasons!!
Despite the shit that went down during the G20 Summit over the weekend, I truly believe we are the best country in the world to live in. The only thing we're missing is a leader that represents the people and N O T the New W orld Order.

We can either let the right and left polarize us or we can unite and chose a leader who will put our money where his mouth is and do as we fucking wish?!!

When I was a little girl I wanted to be three things in life; Prime Minister of Canada, Wonder Woman and Barbara Frum.

The PM dream died once I started lap dancing at the Brass Rail. Mama said nobody would ever vote for a pole dancer and I believed her..le sigh. But at least I got stories to tell.

I finally became Wonder Woman.

Me at play in the park. Photo-Sabina Bunin

And if I still have a chance at coming back in another life as Barbara Frum-I'll do us all a favour and shove Dav id Frum, the former speech writer for George

W Bush, right back up me as soon as he's born. I can't believe such a lovely smart, liberal minded woman would spit out a kid that is so far hung to the right, he makes Stephen Harper look like a Socialist. What a douchebag!!

Barbara Frum/Alan Maitland CBC "As it happens."

David Frum.

As for me, I'm celebrating Can ada Day naked, in front of the computer sipping on a vodka cooler and trying feverishly to meet my own deadline...which was yesterday. Sooo much to write and sooo many distractions. Write drunk. Edit sober. I heard that somewhere before?

How are you celebrating Canada Day?? I bet your bbqing right now and arguing with the girlfriend about the buddies you invited over for burgers and 'slaw. No worries, your girl will paint the flag on her ass and tell you to give it to your country real good as a reward -but only if you pay attention to her during the festivities.

Since we are an uber talented nation I'm posting the song "Jerk it" from one of my fav Canadian bands, Thunderheist,
Listening to it makes me wanna dance my booty off!!!
Candians Rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Happy and horny Canada Day freaks!!!!!!!

Love you all-with some exceptions.

Kisses and maple syrup semen lollipops,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Enza trade's in her 'Supermodel' status for a chance to effect change from City Hall.

2010-06-23T19:38:00.000-04:00

Enza and Yoko at Woody's. Photo credit-Sabina Bunin

Torontonians, Enza Anderson has a message for you, don’t call her Enza `Supermodel` she’s officially retired the alias that made her famous. In her place is a serious business woman with a great pair of gam`s ready to step into the bullshit politics of Hog Town and clean out the corruption- all for her people.

Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

This statuesque transgender woman who was born and raised in Toronto, is officially launching her campaign today for city councillor of Rosedale-ward 27 a place she's lived in for 20yrs.
She’s hoping her third election run and a campaign face lift will give her the win she’s been looking for since entering politics in 2000.

Hard to believe it was just 10 yrs ago that she ran as a mayoral candidate against Mel Lastman, coming in third with 13,000 votes. If you bring it up –she’s quick to remind you, “Nobody beats Mel.” Since then she's been a fixture in the city by volunteering her time for such organizations as Aids Committee of Toronto, Fashion Cares, LGBT and Pride Toronto along with becoming a media personality and as of last week, she was a columnist for Metro called The Hot Ticket. She's also your financial services manager at the BMO during the day.

Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

I met her at Woody’s on a rainy afternoon in downtown Toronto, to find out what Enza Anderson sans Supermodel really stands for. I asked her the hard hitting questions like, Did she really feel the need to get rid of the persona in order to be taken seriously?, Is this all a publicity stunt? Does she really know what the people want? What is her platform? She answered the questions, straight from the hip, open and honest.

Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

I also gave her a black condom and a big fat kiss on the lips 'cause I found her to be fearless, smart and sexy. It excites me that if she wins Rosedale, she'll be the first ever transgendered councillor in the city`s history. But she doesn't want you to feel pressured to vote for her for the bragging rights, she wants you to vote for her because she`s fearless enough to do the work the others cant and wont do. She says earnestly, "I will pick up the phone. I will take action. I will get your voice heard."

Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

"It's time the people I've been there for over the years to come out and be there for me now. I am serious about wanting to represent the people in Rosedale. I want to effect change from the top."

San Francisco had Harvey Milk . Toronto has Enza Anderson. Let's make history happen.

And why the fuck not I say?!

If you'd like to contribute to her campaign go to her facebook page for details.

The next municipal election is on October 25 2010.

All pictures by Sabina Bunin photography. Go to my flikr page for more pics of the interview.

Here is the video: Enjoy!

Kisses and foot rubs,

Yoko Sanchez

XXX

Stay tuned for the video interview...

Bring your party to the potluck please.

2010-06-20T01:10:00.000-04:00

Me at the potluck party. Good Times.

For once, I’d like to show up at a Potluck party and walk into a room full of topless women debating politics, eating burgers and potato salad, swigin’ whisky and asking for seconds. If your inviting me to one of these bring- a -meal parties, make sure this scene play’s out for me 'cause I’m not going to stay too fucking long otherwise.

I hate grazing at the smorgasbord of food on the buffet set up in the living room and listening to how work is going for everybody and how much you've paid on your mortgage.. it makes me feel like a Russian hooker with an STD and a missing passport. Bored, itchy and wishing I was at a vodka bar with my lover.

Now, I don’t need an orgy at every party I go to but man, gimme something more to chew on other than a dry burger and your trivial day to day life.

God, my pussy aches for a good potluck party.

Here are some helpful potluck recipes from Martha Stewart...
http://www.marthastewart.com/potluck-party

And here is a video that turns my fucking crank. You could all sit around your next potluck party and watch it. I garuntee you somebody will get off...
It's Samantha Morton dancing in one of my fav movies, 'CODE 46'. This is beautifully shot and one of the most erotic things I've seen.

Kisses and dill pickle butt plugs,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

We see you Kelis.

2010-06-16T01:02:00.000-04:00

I just got home from a long day at work.
I managed to entertain and offend the right people so that counts as a good day for me.

I am now unwinding naked in bed with a joint, a carrot and a little Kelis.
Her new song, "Acapalla' has grown on me...and dayyam, she's stunning to look at even when she's not 'shaking her milkshake.' I do wonder if Nas saw her video for "Caught out there" before he married her?? When I first saw that video I was genuinely scared of the bitch with pink hair and a matching straight jacket.
Her twitch was soo real.

I'm glad her ugly divorce to Mr. Music Producer didn't prompt her to creatively revisit the same angry girl killin' her no good man way's. Well, maybe because girlfriend got PAID for becoming a baby mama.

Anyways, here is the "Caught out there" video.

Tanpgameboy MySpace Video

And Now...ACAPELLA !!!!

Yah, she's come a long way. I much prefer her when she's introspective and covered in gold.

Thought for the day:
Make looking good and being better than all the girls on the block your goal after a divorce or break up. Grow as a woman and don't just be an angry girl. It's too easy.

Goodnight freaks,

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

What I know Fo Sho...

2010-06-08T18:16:00.000-04:00

I read my horoscope in the Now magazine for this week.
Usually it's cryptic and telling me about the bad luck ahead.
But this horoscope was pretty awesome and kinda sums up how I think we all should live our lives.

LIBRA
In her essay Write Till You Drop, author Annie Dillard offers advice to aspiring writers, I’m going to quote a certain passage that happens to be apropos for you Libras right now. “Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for later,…give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.”

In honour of this horoscope, I will give you the “What I know for sure Blog” or....

What I know Fo Sho….

If you have more than 5 wedding albums, the bigger sham your marriage is.

Lesbian sex can save your life.

Everybody’s lonely. The only way to escape it is to enjoy your own company.
Look what happened to Brit Brit, at the end of the day she hated being with herself and made poor baby daddy choices. She’s now a statistic.

Single mothers have the hardest job of all. Which is why I plan on never becoming one.
I’m far too lazy and I’d need a ‘smoke break/mommy’s rubbing one out’ break every couple of hours.

Oxytosin is God’s cruel joke on women. The ‘cuddle hormone’ is what keeps us from ruling the world. Wish I could pistol whip it and make it my bitch.

Wonder Woman and the Justice League are always coming to Superman’s rescue.
The guy is a walking disaster.

The more you tweet, the less respect I have for you. #twat#666,855

The best sex of my life didn’t involve a food fight, a foot massage, a Japanese rape scene or a stripper pole.

Women do not like cheap men. It is a turn off to joke about how cheap you are.
No girl will ever want to suck your cock if you brag about making your own beer.

If you’re using massive amounts of Viagra at the age of 24, your probably just a bottle baby looking for milk or a hug. Stop now before you die from prostate cancer.

Soccer players are the hottest bastards on the planet.

Don’t marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can’t live without.

God should have just stopped at the animals and left people for an after thought.

The dogmas’ of the Catholic Church are now fodder to me.

God is my beginning middle and end. I don’t need a man standing at a podium, wearing a condom and nipple clips under his fancy robe preaching to me His word.

Fucking your teacher is only good for one blog.

Oprah deserves all the riches in the world because she gives back.

Julia Roberts got ugly. America is in denial, as always.

Jube jube's and semen make the best snack

Gay man make fabulous girlfriends!!

If you take risks, you will never let yourself down. You will be rewarded somehow, someway, someday.

The girl with the biggest smile in the room, the twinkly eyes and the pretty disposition will cut your mother for a chance to be where you are right now. Don't trust her. She is your Eve. You have to kick her in the face with kindness and tell her lies to combat her negative energy.
Good luck with that..they're everywhere these days.

The best place in the world to be is on Mulholland drive over looking all of LA with great company… in the middle of the night. Stoned. Booyaka.

That's all I can remember so far anyways.....

Kisses and licks,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

A black condom a day keeps the Dr away.

2010-06-08T02:20:00.000-04:00

I love to hand out black condoms.
It’s my ‘thing’ I guess you could say.
It makes me happy knowing random strangers could possibly be fucking with black condoms on thanks to me.

People I’ve given black condoms to and they're reactions;

My professor (“I know you think I’m going to hand this back to you but I’m not, I’m going to take it home to my wife Linda and tell her Yoko gave it to me”)
My mail carrier (she had no words)
My Polish Landlady (“Ah gee Yoko, I dunno what my husband will say, but ok, thanks”)
My mom (“What the hell am I suppose to do with this??!”)
My metrosexual friend/ the guy I get pedicures with ("I’m Serbian, we don’t do black condoms")
My unhappily married friend ("Thank's Yoko I’m going to use this with my lover")
My Portuguese hair stylist whose sexy as hell ("What, is this my tip?")
My black friend ("I got a black dick girl I don’t need one of those")
My belly dancing teacher ("I don’t accept gifts of this sort")- it was awkward.
My dad (He laughed, he has Alzheimer's)
My landladies 18 yr old son ("Can I put it on now for you Yoko?")
The homeless guy rummaging through my trash the other night ("Hey, cool you got some change too?)
The upstairs tenants that complained about my pot smoking to the land lady-I slid it under they’re door.
My asian girlfriend ("Oooh gross Yoko")

If I give you a black condom, just spread the love, don’t hate.

Kisses and black latex love,

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Dear B B Homemaker, you're the only woman I'll ever need.

2010-06-07T16:35:00.000-04:00

For the past few years, I’ve been fighting jumping on the Beyonce train.
Refused to buy the ticket, ignored the call to get on board and turned my back on the bells and whistles that is Beyonce.

And then this year something happened.. I changed my tune and I finally jumped on board. That something was the "Why don’t you love me?!" video.

Swear to fuck, it’s the best dam thing I’ve layed my eyes on. EVER!
Bettie Page meets Russ Meyers. I don't know who the creative people are behind this bitch, but they know how to package they're product! I've watched this video more than porn this week.
I simply can’t get enough of the Bootylicious Beyonce.

The fact that her husband is Jay Z-the most charismatic ugly bastard on the planet blows my mind.

What a team!!

Ok, gonna get naked and watch the video again. You do the same.
And I ask you....Why don't you love me???!!!

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Dear Yoko, what are the four bases?

2010-06-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

Four days back from my vacation to L.A and I’m sick as a dog.
I have no voice and no energy to fondle my tits.
So I’ll give you another Ask Yoko blog since people still need answers to life.
God, I need a naked vix vapour rub down.

ASK YOKO

Dear Yoko,

What are the 4 bases? It seems to be changing these days.

Signed,
Might be a slut

Dear MBAS
From my understanding the 4 bases use to be:
1st base is kissing.
2nd base is above the waist foreplay.
3rd base is below the waist foreplay.
4th base/home is sex. ;)

They now are:

1st base is anal
2nd base is kissing
3rd base is oral
4th base is sex

Dear Yoko,
My neighbours love making is keeping me up at night. She’s loud and I can hear her dirty talk through the thin walls. It’s awkward the next day when I have to face her?
Do I confront her and ask her to muffle her cries for black cock or just keep my mouth shut?

Singed,
No sleep in BC

Dear NSIBC

Confronting her on her loud sex sessions should be the highlight of the day. Do it in the elevator where she’s trapped and has to face the awkwardness of the ensuing conversation. She should apologise for the disturbance and promise to use a ball gag to muffle her cries for black Mandigo cock.

I had an upstairs neighbour who was incredibly loud while having sex.
She did like it rough and her man would pound her for 30min straight. She'd knock over furniture, cause her dog to bark in distress and scream out obscenities.
Finally after a couple of months of no sleep, I baked brownies, marched upstairs and confronted her. I told her I was proud of her sexual prowess but that her fucking was too loud and was causing me to wanna drown a kitten the next day.
She was completely embarrassed and vowed to keep her sex sessions quieter.
I eventually fucked her. I had to, she was tall, blonde and from the east coast..and I made her scream out my name, for the record.

Dear Yoko,

I’m a happily married woman in my 30’s with two kids and a great job.
Except I’m secretly addicted to porn. I’m watching it even when my kids are in the other room. I just can’t get enough of the stuff. My sex life is ok, but I want the sexual adventures other couple are having. Do I quit cold turkey for the sake of my marriage or do I confess to my husband and hope he’s ok with it and want to join?

Signed,
Desperate in Daton Ohio

Dear DDO,

I recommend you watch as much porn as you can. Life is too short, and quite frankly, sometimes all a girl has is her secret addictions. You can quit cold turkey but will that make you happy? What are you going to replace that outlet with?
Married life can be death to a woman’s sexual libido and no man can satisfy you enough to forget you’re a soccer mom with a mortgage and a slave to society.
From the sounds of it, I’m sure your husband is watching his fair share of Japanese porn while you’re asleep. Maybe if you could let him walk in on you watching xhamster, with your pants down and your hand in your muff, you two could enjoy your addictions together without feeling the guilt of doing it behind eachother's back.

If you really think the porn watching is out of hand, get help. I recommend a good therapist.
He will prescribe some anti depressents since sex and depression go hand in hand in the medical profession. I went to a therapist a couple of years ago when I got worried I was a nympho. He made me repeat my sex stories over and over and over again and gave me meds to cure me of my insatiable need for cock.
I had to stop going since he wasn’t attractive and there was nothing in it for me.
Good luck with that.

Got a question for me..send off an email to yokosanchez@gmail.com

I gotta go take a hot shower now, slip back into my sweaty nighty and sleep off this ebola.

Kisses and licks,

Yoko Sanchez

xxx

How does the oil spill affect your mood???

2010-06-03T21:08:00.000-04:00

Photo Credit-Sabina Bunin

The fact that an environmental catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico has happened on Obama’s watch makes me feel like the Apocalypse might really be coming.
2012 and it’s all over baby!

Theres nothing left the Good Lord gave us that we haven't managed to piss on!
The earth, the sky, the water, the animals, grow ops.

Now, I know Barak has been busy trying to fix the last 12 years of America's hubris but someone's gotta pay the price for not watching BP closer.

How can a pipeline not have an off switch for fuck sakes??!!

I can’t even watch the news anymore without it affecting my mood for the rest of the week. How can I masturbate when I know there are ducks and turtles drowning in oil?!

It really pisses me off that the government is looking to Hollywood for solutions.
Could James Cameron really be the one to stop the oil from gushing into the water?
If his balls dropped not winning the Oscar for Avatar I’m sure they just perked up by the meer thought of such a heroic act. Even Kevin Kostner's brother apparently made a 26 million dollar machine that was suppose to have worked. At this point I don’t care if it's Tila Tequila's tampon that stops the oil, I just want someone to fix it..NOW!!

Hey BP, I got a box full of dildos’ that can plug that sucker up if you’re running out of quick fixes. They’re big.

I’m watching you.

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Giving you more than blow jobs and bologne sandwiches..

2010-05-31T12:03:00.000-04:00

Its been 3 months since I've blogged and in the cyber world-that makes me dead, I know. But I needed a sabbatical from life streaming for a bit. Get a fresh outlook on life so I can write about it with joy and not feel obligated to do it.

A lot has happened since I’ve been playing around and not blogging about it but since I just got back from a mini vacation to L.A I feel charged up and ready to get back to what I do best. Making you feel good to be alive and horny.
,
Since I do get asked for my advice from men and women- not just about sex but about life in general I decided to give you the first blog back with an Ask Yoko colum. Now, I'm no expert or life coach, but I’m a straight shooter whose seen more than you know.
That being said, here it is:

ASK YOKO

Dear Yoko,
My heart is broken and I’m not sure where to go from here? All I want to do is drink J&D and sleep. Where do I even begin again? I feel like a fool for loving the wrong men over and over again.

Signed,
Unloved in Detroit

Dear UID,

My drink of choice when my heart was broken was Baileys on ice. I gained 20 lbs in 2 months and was miserable. It took me a year to mend my heart and 2 years to lose the weight. Don’t let that happen to you.
You can either mourn the loss of cock/pussy for months and miss out on life or you can give yourself a week of hiding away from friends and family to cry, scream, pig out, sleep, poke wholes in effigies of the ex in the garage, then after 7 days you’ve gotta get right back into life and move on.

Working for The Man at a 9-5 job can suck during this time but think of it as your Oscar winning performance. Your the girl/guy who just got dumped and your still lookin’ good and showing up for work everyday without shedding a single tear. Make them wonder why your still smiling. It bugs people more when you take a bad break up lightly.

Here is my 7 Day strategy to get out of a rut or mend a broken heart.

1. I want you to get up and take a shower every day-like your going to work
2. Beautify yourself afterwards with a full blow dry, good body cream and perfume. You never want the outside world smelling how sad you really are.
3. Wear your best clothes for a week. 7 days-that’s all you’ll need.
4. Shove a silver bullet up your cooch and put it on turbo boost every time you want you to share your feelings with someone at work. Remember, nobody gives a shit and they will make fun of you. It’s a good distraction.
5. Don’t eat your feelings. Oprah would not approve.
6. Give into your vices-watch porn when you get home, drink a bottle of wine, smoke some cheebah, watch Glenn Beck or whatever makes you angry. But only for 7 fucking days because Dr. Drew is too busy to show up at your house with an intervention and a camera crew.
7. The only book you’ll need to carry around with you is Bruce Lee’s book on aphorisms-called, “Striking thoughts”. Trust me.
8. If you only call one person make it a person you can open up to without being judged or lectured to. Either your mama, your bestie or your dog, BBM me and I’ll see what I can do.
9. Give yourself new goals. Make them small so you can accomplish them. Write them down-post them up. Put it in black and white and give it to the universe. Corny I know but the shit works. Maybe the journey is the destination.
10. When you move on you move up. Don’t you fucking dare go back at the end of the week because your lonely. You will find someone better-but who cares if it takes a lifetime? Can’t you just go out and live enthusiastically and make people feel good instead of making people feel sorry for you???!!!

For those trying to mend a broken heart while tending to their kiddies.
If you have kids, they should consume your happiness or simply shove them back up you. Light up as soon as they enter the room, it makes them feel good. End of story.

Hope that helps.

Dear Yoko,
I am interested in giving my coochie an age-defying makeover. What are your suggestions re: diet and Brazilian waxes? How can I make my special place soft, yummy and inviting?

Signed,
Prickly Princess

Dear PP, My suggestion to you is;
1. Buy some mangos
2. a jar of Shea butter-black people swear by it. You can get it any pharmacy.
3. A good razor
4. A man/woman to watch the action go down. It’s kind of kinky fun to watch your woman lady scape her meat.

I had a boyfriend that loved my hair. Every time we got into a bad fight I would shave the whole thing off just to get him back for being an asshole.
What he was upset most about was the fact that he wanted to be the one who shaved me. When things were good, I’d draw a bath, rub my cooch down with mango’s and shea butter and then call him in with his electric razor to trim my hair to his liking.
We always had great sex afterwards.

Q: Dear Yoko
Is having a sugar daddy detrimental to my self worth?

Singed,
Halifax Ho

Dear HH
It is if you gloat about it. Shut up and enjoy.

If you have a question for me send it to yokosanchez@gmail.com
or post a comment here. Your Spam is not welcome.

I'll leave you with a quote that sums up how I feel.
Thank you David Milch for being a goddam genius.

"Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back."
— David Milch

Now go out there and handle your business..you hear?!

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Whose your Master?

2010-03-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

I use to think my co-worker was a smart, rational woman who ate meat and loved Jesus. She's a hard working Romanian woman in her 50's who seemed to always give me sound advice on life and office politics.

Then I caught her the other day, rocking back and forth stroking her phone while sitting at her desk so naturally I thought she was watching porn. When I asked what she was looking at, she handed me her iphone with a beaming smile and said "This is my Master. He is Sai Baba of India. He is the avatar of Jesus. I love him."

I grabbed her phone expecting to see a hotter younger version of Deepak Chopra but boy was I wrong.
My co-worker said, "My Master is pure love. Do you see the love in his eyes, Yoko?"
"No" I said.
"The moment he smiled at me 5 years ago in India, was the best moment of my life." She happily added.
"What about giving birth?" I said.
"That was my second best moment." She said.
"Well, if he's Jesus, has he performed miracles?" I retorted non-plussed.
"Yes, of coarse. All the time. Google him, you'll see how many miracles he performs daily. You might even become a follower too."

I went home and googled her Master.

I think Elizabeth is fucked.

I dare you to ask your co-worker who they're Master is. Be prepared for some awkward moments after the revelation.

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

May the Oscar go to..anybody but Mo-nique.

2010-03-03T14:04:00.000-05:00

I hate Mo-nique.
She is the reason why I can't watch the Oscar nominated movie, "Precious". I don't care if Oprah tells me to watch it. I'd rather read the novel it was adapted from, "Push" by Sapphire.

I know come Sunday, Mo-nique will get the Oscar for her portrayal as the abusive mother, 'Mary' in "Precious"and we'll have to sit through her crazy acceptance speech that will no doubt include; God, her beautiful kids, her well hung man, being touched by a family member, being fat and being besties with Oprah. All peppered with the word 'baby'. Barf.

I've never been a fan of Mo-nique's but since her profile has kicked up a notch in the last few months with her late night talk show on BET, and Oscar nod, I've been finding her milkshake harder to stomach than usual. In fact, I think she's become even more sweaty and offensive than Whitney ever was on crack. But at least Houston, in her drug infused hey day, had enough pride to shave her legs for the red carpet. Mo-nique who claims hairy legs , "Is a black woman thing " is delusional since Star Jones would have been the first to sell it on The View long before she ever did, if that was the case.

Yup, Pushing the button on you Mo-nique. I know who you really are and I don't likeeeey.

Since the Academy Awards are a big deal in my house, I'll have my tiara, nipple clips, chocolate fondue and pink champagne ready. I'll just be changing the channel when Mo-nique waddles up to take her prize.

Kisses, razor blades and a man named Oscar,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX
Watch the Academy Awards, Sunday at 8pm on CTV or just read Conan O'Brien's twitter updates for all the gossip on the red carpet.

We own the ice baby!!

2010-03-02T23:53:00.000-05:00

Team Canada win's gold on home turf!!!! I'm going to masturbate to this picture all week.

Our men's hockey team won the Olympic gold against the US in Vancouver on Sunday!!!
Thank you baby Jesus for Sidney Crosby scoring the winning goal in overtime...cause there's nothing worse than a gloating American.

Our women's hockey team also contributed in our Olympic gold standings by winning against the rival US team. So proud of our girls not only for winning, but for the way they celebrated. Stogies and champagne!!

CANADA WINS 14 OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS. THE MOST IN OLYMPIC HISTORY.
FUCK'EN EH!!!

Maybe Celine Dion is our secret good luck charm after all-no?

Kisses and gold medal spanks,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Team Canada Fighting for Olympic Gold!

2010-02-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

Alex Livelsy/GettyImages/L.A Times

WOW! What a game!
Team Canada stole the ice from Russia after 50 years of trying with a crushing 7-3 victory in Vancouver last night!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's all pray to the Olypmic God's that we make it all the way to a Canada vs US game for gold!!!

I don't care how bad my Government is- I'm proud to be Canadian thanks to Team Canada and Tom Brokaw.

Now if only the upstairs tenant's could celebrate being Canadain and stop fucking complaining about the pot smoke coming from my apartment.

I hate them.

GO TEAM CANADA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

An open letter to Jake-The Bachelor

2010-02-24T14:25:00.000-05:00

Dear Jakey-poooo,

During this weeks episode on 'The Bachelor-The Women tell all', I watched you squirm and writhe in the hot seat when faced by the women you dumped, defending your two final choices..Tiley the 'virgin' and Vienna the 'whore' as your potential bride to be.

I guess it's really always down to those two choices in life, isn't it?

Go the whore route and fornicate with a bouncy bitch that has your balls in a vice grip-who makes demands on your bank account and passes at your friends or pick the virgin that gives you everything you want on a silver platter and strokes your ego 'til you wanna primal scream all over her and her mother for being so goddamn nice to you.

My unwanted advice to you Jake?

Don't pick either. Your so sexually confused that the only way to find your yellow brick road back to happiness is in a bathhouse. Your co-pilot is waiting for you there. All you need is a pair of flip flops, a towel and a box of condoms.

My gaydar may not be at 100% these days but I'm willing to bet the farm, your a mo.

Come to Canada, we've got a lot of hot men here that will teach you a thing or two about love. You can even marry a man here. It would be less paperwork than what you'd have to go through to divorce Vienna.

That's the truth honey, as I see it.

Kisses and blood diamond rings,

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Watch the final episode of "The Bachelor" Monday night @8pm on CityTv.

O Canada, we're celebrated for our mittens not our medals. We're ok with that. I guess.

2010-02-22T18:12:00.000-05:00

I really would like to say, "We own the podium" in medals, but at this point all I can say is...at least Oprah loved our red and white Olympic mittens made in China!!
Oh, and we're abundant in water and oil.
GO TEAM CANADA GO!!!!

If you haven`t bought your pair of mittens already, your going to have to pay up on ebay cause the HBC is out of stock.
Feel free to send a pair my way since I missed out....thanks.

Now go back to cheering on your team Canada!
I'll be flipping between the Olympics and The Bachelor reunion show tonight.

Kisses and gold medal gang bangs,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Help Haiti.

2010-01-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

Haiti Photograph: Ivanoh Demers/AP

I hate to start a New Year blog on a sad note but Haiti has been struck another blow yesterday by an earthquake measuring 7.0 killing hundreds of thousands of people.

Fuck, it's bad enough these poor people have only dirt to eat -on a good day....now this!!

I know God exists. I thank Her everyday for Her blessings but I wonder why people that suffer the most in the world just can't catch a fucking break??!! And people like Pat Roberts, the crazy evangelical Christian gets to keep breathing clean air at the ripe old age of 100 while spewing statements that Haiti deserved the devastation because they made a 'pact with the devil'. If there's any justice in the universe, he'll come back in his next life as an orphaned Haitian child .

Ok...not playing with myself until after I send off a donation online to the Canadian Red Cross...hope you do the same.

Happy New year.

Yoko Sanchez

Say hello to 2010-The Year of the Tiger.

2009-12-22T23:28:00.000-05:00

In less than two weeks the year comes to a close and in less than two days it's Christmas eve. Holy egg nog..where did the time fly?
Ofcoarse I left Christmas shopping to the last minute and suddenly out of the madness and collective of crazy shopping, I stumbled into the oasis of the Doll Factory Danzels on Queen st east in Toronto. The place was filled with fun kitchy stuff from jewelry to dresses to purses and even sex pistol coasters for your sister mister friends in Winnipeg. I was able to get presents for everybody including Wonder Woman jewelry for me!! I pointed to it and my guy bought it.
One stop shop. Perfect for a girl on the go.

Between moving preparations and the holiday festivities I'm totally feeling sensory overload. Parties, packing, gift wrapping, binging and boozing... I have no time to pleasure myself these last couple of weeks. But I know January comes and all I'm going to want to do is hibernate, read, watch movies, play with my dog and get off in every way.
I've checked my Chinese horoscope and the forecast is lookin' sweet for the Rat.
It says, "Let's just fuck this goat and get it over with"
Words' to live by in 2010.

In looking back over the year of the OX I can say it was full of trials, tribulations, success and celebrations for me. It was also the year that celebrities dropped like flies... Farah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Dom Deluise, Bea Arthur -we kinda saw coming but Britney Murphy dies of cardiac arrest at 32? How random is that? So tragic.

Why couldn't it be one of the Kardashian sisters? Seriously?

Yoko's Top 10 predictions in 2010 -The Year of the Tiger..

1. Tiger Woods and David Letterman deal with their sex addiction on celebrity rehab with Dr.Drew
2. NBC drops Leno.
3. Octomom has another 12 kids
4. John Gosselin takes over Simon Cowell's spot on American Idol
5. Chaz Bonno leaves his wife for Sarah Jessica Parker
6. The Sarah Pallin Show
7. Madonna gives birth to Jesus' baby. They name the child "Jennifer"
8. The Jersey Shore meets The Real Housewives of Atlanta in an MTV Road Rules Challenge-
10 million people tune in to watch Snooki confess to pulling the triger on....
9. SNL becomes funny
10. Mo-nique wins an Oscar for Precious and gets it permanently attached to her bosom.

What are your predictions for 2010?

Now, Santa if your reading, I would like to add this little vanity set that I found at Ethel on Queen st. to my list. It's perfect for my new place. I've been a good little dirty girl-I deserve it.

Please.

Happy Holidays Freaks....thank you for the love and support.

Count down is on til I open my presents..YIPPIE!!!!

Kisses and ball gags,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

The Baby daddy of Crazy 2009...Glenn Beck.

2009-12-17T11:03:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Glenn Beck, you've won Crazy of the year according to Salon.com.
I agree with this win on all counts.
Tune in once to see this fat man child cry like a baby and slobber his way through an hour of fear mongering and Obama bashing and you`d agree. But I`ve noticed a lot of men like Glen walking the streets these days. Pretentious, awkward, angry men in bow ties and ripped socks with big vocabularies and sweaty palms. Name dropper's and pill poppers.
*Procreate with these guys at your own risk ladies.*

I'd like to add a few contenders that Glenn narrowly beat out...

Top 9 Crazies of 2009 (Not in any particular order of crazy)

1. Tila Tequila-this bi-tri-and dip me in STD sauce bitch is crazy.
2. Octomom-Any woman that treats her body like a baby making machine, without a gun to her head is crazy.
3. Mel Gibson- He went from being America's # 1 leading man to a drunken old bastard with 5 DUI's and 9 kids. All signs lead to crazy.
4. Tiger Woods-Cheats on hot model wife with 13 ho's + no condoms= CRAZY!
5. NBC-I am giving this crazy nomination to a whole network for putting Jay Leno in the 10pm time slot. You fuckers may be making money...but your all going to hell for taking over the tube-Crazy greedy boring uncreative men in white suits should all be pissed on.

6. Jon Gosselin-What an ugly piece of dried up dim sum this guy is.
Yet another man that goes through puberty AFTER he has a brood of monsters.
Get in line.....there's so many of you.
7. Kate Gosselin-For not shoving 6 of the 8 kids back up her the moment she found out what a douche her baby daddy was. Crazy bitches always procreate with crazy men in multiples.
8. Chris Brown-For beating up the #1 pop star in the world-and for not apologizing in time to save his career. Crazy for losing his shit. Crazy for losing his livelihood.
9. The Catholic Church-For continuing to cover up sex crimes in the church after decades of abuse. Sick crazy bastards in robes and big gold cock rings. Expose the whole lot and move on or people are going to keep turning to the Mormons for guidance.

So, who would you nominate in your neighbourhood for Crazy of the year?

If you can't think of them right away, it's probably you!!!

Now go take your hoarse pills ladies -the kids are calling for you!

Kisses and wet lesbian dreams,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Let it snow let it snow let it fucking snow....please.

2009-12-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, when's it gonna snow??? Seriously.

Hopefully the sky will turn grey today and lovely white snow flakes will blanket the city.

Kisses, snowball fights and hickeys,

Yoko Sanchez

XXX

Kierkegaard and The Cunt

2009-12-12T12:05:00.000-05:00

What will make you wish you never procreated with your wife?
What can make you say and do things you've never said or done before?
What can poisin your mind and make you risk everything just to get knee deep in it?

The Cunt.

It's been the downfall of many great men-some use their talent to sway angry crowds back-others never regain the respect and the millions of dollars they once had.

The world will be watching which category Tiger Woods fall's into.

Will he redeem himself and start winning golf tournaments like he once did -whether or not his wife, Elin stays with him?
Or will he hide under a rock for a while and let his handlers do the talking whilst still trying to get putang?

What would Kierkegaard, the father of exitentiaslism say about man's weakness for The Cunt?
Once he read the long list of great men who have fallen victim to the Cunt:
Dr. Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Joe Kennedy, Morgan Freeman, Kobe Bryant, Donald Trump; David Beckham, Bobby Brown, Jude Law, Senator John Edwards, President Bill Clinton, Mel Gibson, Bono, Deepak Chopra, etc etc etc....
He would probobly say..."Fuck it. Men will never be faithful and women will never be happy."

I say, The Cunt will always win but never be satisfied.
Men-Don't get married if you love sex.

Kisses and tiger balm rubs,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Spam

2009-11-25T19:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving America!!!

Enjoy the dark meat now....cause the white meat is a-comin' in 2012.

God help us all.

Kisses and choke holds,
Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Banning all mustard shirts in 2010.

2009-11-24T09:53:00.000-05:00

I hate mustard shirts.
I think they should be outlawed on men.
I find the colour offensive to look at and makes me want to gag.
The irony is that every guy I’ve ever dated owned a mustard shirt.
It doesn’t matter if the guy was white, brown or tanned- I always found a mustard shirt berried somewhere in their closet-whether it was bought in 1992 or 2009.

MEN-IF YOU WEAR A MUSTARD SHIRT….

…. to a job interview, you will NOT get hired.
….on a date, you will NOT get a BJ.
….to church on Sunday, Jesus will NOT answer your prayers.
….to your divorce proceedings, you will NOT get custody of your kids.
...on the streets of Toronto, you WILL be made fun of.

I don’t need to go on…you get the idea.
Lose the fucking mustard shirt. Don’t give it to your buddy and keep the dam thing in circulation-just throw it out.

If your wearing a mustard shirt right now, then tear it off.

On behalf of all women everywhere, we thank you.

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Dear Canada post keep your filthy paws off my letter to Santa...

2009-11-23T12:29:00.000-05:00

My tree is up and now nothing can burst my happy bubble.
I can come home after a long day of Christmas shopping and admire its glory. I’ve decided the only good thing about being an adult during Christmas holidays is that you don’t have to visit the people you don’t like and you can put sex toys on your tree if you so choose.

I’ve written my wish list to Santa and am sending it off to the North Pole…since it’s a recession, I told him he could pick 5 out of 10.

Yoko’s Top 10 Christmas list for Santa

1. The biggest baddest suction cup dildo on the market called, “The Taliban”
2. Wonder Woman sneakers by Reebok (not the prettiest things in the world but whatever)..
3. A humungo dog bed for Tika G
4. Matching red WW silk capes for me and my pooch
5. A thousand sleeping bags, coats, mitts, hats and socks for the homeless
6. A leather whip, leather mask, ball gag, leather harness and a muzzel made of chains
7. Figure skates
8. A signed photo of a shirtless Gino Vannelli (I love chest hair)
9. A ticket for Oprah’s last show in 2011
10. Santa’s choice-whatever he wants to get me

Hope my letter doesn't get in the hands of Canada posts 'Letters to Santa' program or I might get a response back that starts with...

Dear Yoko- you dirty girl,
I know where you live now ...

Have you made your list yet girls???? Better get on it, Santa's on a budget this year.

Kisses and sloppy wet christmas spanks,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Line ups for loot bags and vaccine shots get ugly in the GTA....Happy Halloween!!!!!

2009-10-30T20:05:00.000-04:00

So it looks like we’ve got a small swine flu epidemic taking over our city.
People in a panic waiting in long lines for their shots.
If they didn’t have it before they got in line-they’ll probably have it by the time they get to the front of it. Cough. Cough.

I’m going to just say NO to the H1N1 vaccine!

I have no idea what their pumping into me. I"ve heard the side effects could lead to paralysis, and or bunion growth.

I'd rather take my chances and simply not mingle with people. If I choose to fuck-we’ll wear body gloves and shower after. Like the Scientologists do.

I’m not going to let a little H1N1 dampen my Halloween weekend!
I’m going to put on my Wonder Woman costume and spend the night with my sweet senorita. We bought candy at Costco-the party packs and plan on watching scary movies tonight.
I'm excited because I found a thick piece of rope on the street the other day…I took it home, spry painted it gold and decided to make it my lasso of truth. I’m going to tie my little mami to the bed and make her watch “Drag me to Hell.” She hates scary movies.
It turns me on watching her freak out.
Does that make me evil like John Gosselin?

If your going out...wear a mask...protect the kiddies and walk with hand sanitizer and ritalin. Don't let H1N1 ruin your festivities- even if you've got it. Try to have fun in your bubble boy costume.

You can take comfort in knowing that once you've had it...you can't catch it again.
Maybe.

Happy Halloween freaks....don't come to my house..the lights will be off!!!

Yoko Sanchezzzzz
xxx

It's my Birthday and I'm glad your kid's, mortgage and man aren't mine.

2009-10-20T19:58:00.001-04:00

It's been weeks since I life streamed.

That's because I've had the plague and was quarantined at home.

A common cold that felt like I was one cough away from the swine flu.

I was afraid to even masturbate in case I slipped into a coma.

But after weeks of hiding out and watching a lot of shit on TV-I am officially back from the dead and just in time to celebrate my BIRTHDAY!!

It was actually on Friday October 16th that I turned 128 years old! (My tits still look great!)

This year I celebrated with the one's I love and went out to eat. On the menu was spicy chicken wings, mint chocolate chip ice cream cake and beer. I figured caviar and cupcakes would make me nauseous.

We talked about David Letterman, The Duggars and Obama's Noble Peace Prize.

The consensus about Letterman was that the sexy bastard could do no wrong in our eyes.

If I was his scorned wife, Regina king-I'd make Dave my sex slave. End of story.

As for The Duggars-50 kids and counting on TLC.....

I don't mind them at all and am glad they outnumber The Gosselins.

A couple of my friends questioned the whole Barak getting the Peace Prize but I said, why the fuck not? He's inspired hope in millions of people and he deserves a reward for taking on America since it seems like a hot mess. Town hall meetings, Balloon Boy, Glenn Beck, The Mo-nique show...yowza!

I just wish the Mother ship would land and something exciting would happen in Canada.

Yoko's Top 5 Birthday wishes..
1. Do an interview with George Strombolopolous..topless..in the Four Seasons hotel.
2. Recieve a Russian vodka detox foot massage...by any hot blooded Ruski.
3. Play in the sandbox with my little South American minx. She gives the best kisses- ever.
4. Shoot guns at a gun range.
5. Sky dive -with my pocket rocket shoved up my cooch.

I'm off to bed now...time to slip into a coma....

Cupcakes wishes and caviar dreams,
Yoko Sanchezzzz
XXX

Give me Trick's and Treat's 365 day's of the year.

2009-09-17T10:58:00.000-04:00

Vogue UK photoshoot-Tim Burton's world.

I wish every day was Halloween.
Forget Morgan Freeman-give me Tim Burton as God and he can set the calendar so that every night is filled with ghosts, goblins, candy, costumes, scary movies, stormy clouds and a dirty roll in the hay.

God I'm sooo horny right now...I love fall.

Kisses and cotton candy anal lube,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Do you know who I am?????

2009-09-17T09:50:00.001-04:00

The secretary

Nothing infuriates me more than seeing people being treated badly because of a position they hold at work. It makes my blood boil when some douche bag in a position of authority feels the need to flex his power over a hard working labourer. There’s simply no need for it.

In fact, the world seems to be populated with pretentious people these days and I’m taking it upon myself to be the voice of reason. The voice amongst the minority that clearly states-
“FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!”

If your not making the world a lovlier place to be than we don't need you on our team.

Kisses and spanks,
Yoko Sanchez
xxx

Is Monday over yet?

2009-08-31T12:09:00.000-04:00

Amy Sedaris

I gotta admit, I’ve never enjoyed Monday’s.

It’s too bright outside, my bra is too tight and my brain is stuck on Sunday night at 8pm. For no particular reason.

I’m wondering if wearing a battery operated toy will make the pending meeting go by faster or freeze time altogether?

I’ll let you know.

Kisses and wanderlust,

Yoko Sanchez
xxx

For the hot, horny, sleepless summer nights...the Dildosicle.

2009-08-18T00:20:00.000-04:00

What you'll need to make a Dildosicle:
1. 1 pitcher
2. 6-10 ice cubes-depending on the size of your dildo.
3. 1 dildo-or several-depending on the size of the pitcher.

How to make the Dildosicle -
Place the dildo in your favorite glass pitcher
Empty a tray of ice cubes inside the pitcher, covering the dildo.
Put Pitcher into the fridge for 15-20min.
Take the dildo out of the pitcher when cold -shove it up any orphus and enjoy a refreshing, cold way to get off.

Sweet dreams,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Love hotels-in Canada??

2009-08-01T13:39:00.001-04:00

I use to play “Platoon” with my Polish lover in my studio apartment.
I would give him army commands and he had to obey. It would get intense since he was born in Krackow. Soldier boy also happened to be a chemistry student that would experiment with his own alchemy of drugs he’d make in the school lab at UFT.

After the last incident with him, when he bit my cheek, I swore off role playing altogether( and Polish men-but that’s another blog) ....until I read about Love Hotels.

Imagine checking into a room with your man/woman/horse and living out your role playing fantasies to the ultimate level?!!!

With decorated theme rooms, Love Hotels are sexual establishments that mix kitsch and kink to suit fetishists and sadomasochists to the ordinary couple seeking sexual adventure.

They are pleasure dome’s that promise to melt the most frigid women’s inhibition’s and to aid the most socially awkward men.

Before you grab your tool kit and blow up doll, I have to mention that Love Hotels are mostly in Japan- a country where adults often live with their parents in their 30’s and sex is practiced without the same guilt associated with it in the West. The need for these establishments keep the 25,000 love hotels making money even as Sony cuts it's jobs.

So, if your saving up for a naughty vacation why not head to Japan since they seem to exercise the highest level of erotic originality in the world even when their down and out.?!

You can easily find what your looking for when it comes to Love Hotels with names like; Hotel Carrot, Hotel Charm, Hotel Princess and Hotel Chrystal. The signs out front will list two or three prices: short stays, long stays, overnight stays. In the lobby, you won't see any people, only a large room menu on the wall. If a photo of a room is lit up, the room is available. You like that room, press a button next to the photo.

A faceless person behind dark glass hands you a key after you hand them your cash.
Inside, the rooms are fully automated. The TV, radio and lights can be controlled from the headboard of the bed and drinks, snacks and sex-toys can be ordered from room service, all of which can be paid for by credit card via an in-room cash machine.
Here are some rooms to choose from:

The Hello Kitty S&M Room
It’s covered in a horny shade of pink, and adorned with Hello Kitty pictures and dolls. It comes with S&M bondage paraphernalia (that have no instructions-so one of you should know what your doing) and a Kleenex box.

The Classroom
One of the most popular rooms, the Classroom comes with it’s own blackboard, costumes for the naughty school girl and special features that promote discipline in schools.

The Religious bondage Room
Complete with a prison, akasuri massage station, pummel horse , bondage neck restrains, and a toilet. I heard this is Madge and Jesus's fav room.

The Dream Sequence Room
This room is a dream come true for sex machine enthusiasts. It features several contraptions to copulate on, including the new automated love chair from Korea, flashing lights and Jesus himself promises to make an appearance.

The Subway Car Room
The simulated subway car is dedicated to the Japanese perv’s favourite pastime, accosting women in public. It’s authentic with the uncomfortable chair and surrounded by steel poles and a looped video of a train on the move.
Can anyone say.. “CHIKAN”!!

The Examining Room
Cold and stark and painted in semen white, just like a regular clinic, this room is perfect for doctor nurse role play. Included are a doctor’s tool kit for those lengthy check up’s on the examining room bed.

The Carousel Room
I don’t need to elaborate on this one.
Giddy up little girl is all I got.

There are hundreds more themes to choose from, so do the research before you book a flight and make sure whomever your taking with you to Japan is up for anything.
It would be a waste to bring somebody who isn’t.

What do you think, could Love Hotels thrive in Canada???

I bet you Brad Lamb would build it if I asked.

Kisses and ball gags,

Yoko Sanchez

How long are you willing to stroke a man's broken heart?

2009-07-25T13:09:00.000-04:00

My girlfriend just started talking to a guy she really likes.

He’s hot and a little older than her which is perfect.

Until she found out how much baggage the dude was carrying around.

It didn’t take much to get him to spew about his last relationship and how he got dumped after 3 years with the girl and that they were practically married. It's now left my friend wondering if she should leave him to nurse his broken heart or fuck him and give him a hug and a pill after?

She called me looking for advice.

I set the scene for her:

INT-NIGHT-HOTEL MOTEL, BEDROOM

Donna and Dave are in bed together.

DONNA
Are you ok? You were fucking me so good and then all of a sudden, you got a weird look in your eyes?

DAVE
I don’t know what you’re talking about? I’m fine. (Holding his limp dick in his hands).

DONNA
You were on top of me-pounding me and it felt soo good-we were both about to cum and then suddenly you looked at me like I was a stranger and pulled out- what the fuck gives??

DAVE
I’m sorry. She’s all I can see.

DONNA
What do you mean, she’s all I can see???!!
My tits are way bigger than her’s, my pussy is probably tighter and my throat is golden…are you retarded? Get over it or I’m out.

DAVE
I can’t. I still love her, so you’ll have to go.

DONNA
You bottle baby. She dumped you..and your fucking a hot girl, you really are a sorry case if you can’t see how lucky you are right now.
(She gets up and starts putting on her Hello Kitty sun dress).

DAVE
Can I get a hug?

DONNA
Bite me mama’s boy. (She pulls out the butt plug she secretly put in earlier to ensure she would get off…its covered in lube).

Here’s your gameboy back.
(She throws it at him. Then picks up the $40.00 sitting on the night stand).

Cab fare (she says smiling and leaves the room).

Dave gets up from the bed naked, picks up his sticky gameboy and starts to cry, hysterically.

FADE OUT

Advice to Donna’s:
If a man is raw and still nursing a broken heart, you can try to fuck it out of him but is it really worth your time if he’s going to need your shoulder to cry on after?
If he’s REALLY hot and you REALLY want to sit on his face, then do it..but make sure you ride him like you’ll never see him again.
Because the moment that look gets in his eyes..it’s over.

Move onto the next mo with a big dick..or a girl with a strap on (text me).

Advice to Dave’s:
If you’re the one nursing a broken heart…would you rather fuck your way out of it with a hot girl or talk to her over numerous coffee dates about the last girl who shattered your ego?

Don’t be stupid.

Go get your dick sucked and have fun..life is short-unless your ex is Megan Fox-then you have every right to be a hot mess.

Have a delicious weekend freaks!!

Kisses and licks,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

Don't let a carrot be your demise.

2009-07-23T10:58:00.000-04:00

So I was watching this show called "1000 ways to die" on Spike TV and there was an episode of a woman who died after masturbating with a carrot..
The woman’s cause of death was due to the carrot apparently cutting her on the inside of her vaginal wall and air got into her blood, up to her heart [I believe it was] and she died.

I was a little freaked out watching this having played a game called, “Name that vegetable” at soccer camp and feel lucky to be alive to tell about it.
I never really thought of the health risks involved to sticking a raw vegetable up my ..vag.

I knew a girl who masturbated with a toblerone bar once…because her boyfriend made her. Something about the grooves of the chocolate bar that ended up getting her off.

At least that’s what she said.

TOP 10 ITEMS NOT SAFE FOR YOUR BABY CAVE

1. ANYTHING FROM CHINA
2. RAW FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
3. BOTTLES-OF ANY KIND.
4. ANY MILK PRODUCTS-CHOCOLATE BARS, ICE CREAM FILLED CONES, OREO COOKIES
5. A CONDOMLESS COCK-OF ANY SIZE
6. DIRTY HANDS
7. FEET-(ESPECIALLY A BIG TOE)
8. A BASEBALL BAT
9. MONEY
10. DRUGS

Sometimes a girl's gotta have boundaries.

Make a list of what's yours and put it on the fridge for reminding.

Kisses and cucumbers,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX

R.I.P MARTIN STREEK.

2009-07-07T22:49:00.000-04:00

You will be missed.

Alan Cross pays a proper tribute to the man who touched so many.

Fuck you CFNY.

Yoko Sanchez

If this town is just an apple, than let me take a bite.

2009-07-06T00:51:00.000-04:00

(A picture of Michael during the filming of The Wiz-'78.)

I wanted to make out to Michael Jackson music last night, but buddy wasn’t up for it.

He had the dial on the only radio station NOT playing Thriller.

ALL I could think about while he kept smacking my ass was....

This would be WAY better if MJ was on right now!

My sudden need to listen to Rock with You and Human Nature over and over again could be because the guy just died, but it could also be becaue the guy made some really good music.

And in the end no matter what you look like, or who your family is, it’s a man’s talent that will always stand alone.

Note to self : Must role play to Billie Jean and Don't stop til you get enough next time.

Kisses and moonwalks,

Yoko Jackson.
XXX

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY AMERICANS!!!

2009-07-04T11:50:00.000-04:00

Your addiction to the good life has made you into a junkie with only one line of white powder left.
You would have known the value of what you had, not obviously thought it remain yours through sheer hubris.

God Bless..and Good fucking luck!

Kisses and licks,

Yoko Sanchez
XXX